lxforever

“Yeah…I married a hockey player.”

—me, 2/12/12

“The only thing that’s different is time passing.”

—Katie D, 2/12/12

“…having friends by our side, or even just thinking of them, makes any challenge feel easier.”

—some random psych study, via MPR

“I thought it less like a lake / and more like a moat”

—Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism

“Goals – why bother?
Get Organised
Friends
Focus on What You Want
Feeling Good
Everything is Connected”

—@Horse_ebooks

“…from my friend Dominick…..’s.”

—Hakan, 2/10/12

time 6:59am feeling weirdly emotional and sad wearing fuchsia sweater, cords reading nothing…FAIL music Death Cab etc ready for time machine and/or bilocation next board the plane

NOTE: NOT actually uploaded at the airport/on the plane (but yes on the planeT), I’m connected but not THAT connected, ha

—

“We should hang out in Madison sometime, you and me and Danny and Daniel.”

I try not to get into it too much anymore here, because I read things from 8,9,12 years ago and I’m a little weirded out by what all I wrote, but some things just strike me and I have to get it out. That little offhand comment above from Katie from yesterday is one.

It’s weird to see people again after a decade or so. Especially when that decade is basically your 20s, and you spent your time before then sheltered and nerdy and living more or less the good, crazy, typical HS life. Then, everyone had more or less the same life. A decade later, people have gotten married, moved, started careers, changed careers, gone back to school, bought houses, and all kinds of other little developmental things and firsts and experiences, etc. But you’re still the same people? Is it indeed just time, after all?

(“And you’re MARRIED!” Daniel said in June, as if it were something surprising or new. Yeah, I thought, DUH; there was nothing new or surprising about that; I’ve been married for awhile; it’s such an obvious and integral part of my life. But when you’ve been away, when you were last friends at 18, I guess it is new, and does seem weird…just a lot that happens in all those particular years.)

Of course, we won’t be hanging out with “the Dans” again, but that all started 14(!) years ago right around this time, which seems both hard to believe and so far away all at once. Oh LIFE!

Anyway.

I think I touched on this earlier, but there are some people out there with whom you just make a connection. It’s true, I don’t have a particularly hard time making friends, and I tend to find _some_ kind of connection with a lot of people pretty easily. But there aren’t all that many whom I just feel I can strongly trust, who just ‘get it’, with whom I could just hang out for a good long while.

And then time, geography, space. That geography is a tricky beast, unfortunately.

And your 17/18-year-old brain makes some good friend decisions after all. (& maybe not the 20-year-old one, when you let things go, but WCYD?) What you wanted in a friend at 18 might not be so far off at 30, either. If only you’d gotten to know certain people earlier and kept them around, longer, if you could.

When I arranged to see Andrea when I was in Chicago last July, I was nervous, so freaking nervous. And when it finally happened, so glad. This time I was excited and happy to have lunch with her and knew it would go well. And then sad when I left, because here’s the thing: so easily and happily I could see myself slipping back into being her friend, if she would have me, and I would be so lucky. But time, space, geography. LIFE! But either way, it makes me grateful to have had her in my life, even for a time. You don’t get to know someone like that just anywhere.

(Also, I might be making this all up and be delusional. Sorry if I am, LOL.)

In weird ways it makes me anxious and sentimental for the FUTURE, which I know makes no sense, but whatever. As in, who knows who you might meet? Who knows when the next kind of connection like that might come along? And who knows when you might lose one, too? It happens.

EMOFEST! The Land Before Time. I hope you have enjoyed this and that I have not embarrassed myself fully…OH WAIT, ha ha. Too late. Anyway. I’ve been walking through the airport on the verge of tears, in one of those Moods – missing Jenny, missing Jeff, craving bilocation (stolen from Michael’s wish), a little overwhelmed at both the future and the past and everything in it. All the mysteries. Feeling grateful.

—

And now up in the air. For the record I am overtired and missing both Jenny and Jeff to pieces, desperately wishing for bilocation as I am up in the air between my JJs. You know. The usual.

I had SO much fun in Chicago with Jenny and Hakan and hanging out in their fantastic Chicago life! They really have a good thing going and despite my older-sister overprotective qualities (sorry…ha), I am really excited to see their life together play out, because all signs point to it being great upon great. Here’s to a wonderful 6-9-12, and beyond!

My flight was delayed Friday…drama and annoyance as I SUPER annoyingly detailed on Twitter, ha, oops, but then I got in and life was grand. Jenny picked me up and we made our way to their spectacular apartment downtown. Some food and lots of catching up and LOTS of texts from Hakan trying to get us to come out with him (LOL!), and before we knew it Hakan was home bearing a little tulip plant (“from my friend Dominick….’s” HAHAHAHAHA!). We spent the weekend EATING and joking and doing wedding-y things, which was great fun!! Figured out invites. Plotted registries (“NOT made in China!”), went shopping, tried on bridesmaid dresses (which one? Gah!). Got Hakan mac and cheese (note: not wedding related). Etc.

Jenny made not one but TWO amazing feasts!! An incredible crepe bar Saturday morning (she is so good at that!) AND a fondue feast Sunday night, cheese and meat/veg! Sooooooo good and fancy. Thank you JJ! So fun.

Lunch with Andrea was great and at a really cool place!! Southport Grocery at her suggestion. I had a cardamom rosewater Italian soda and we all shared a homemade pop tart. (I am reading too many food blogs if I get this excited about this but whatever, lol.) Fun to chat. Also Andrea explained Pinterest….hmmmmm.

Also it was good to be in Chicago for that faux-East-Coast mentality of doing things in your 30s instead of 20s. I forget how…MIDWESTERN MN is, sometimes. (and if not, I have my accent to remind me…)

And of course we went to Fox and Obel – super good and well-done, with a bottle of wine to boot – and fun to go for dinner. Nice to spend so much time with just Jenny and Hakan. Watched Contagion at night which freaked me out which is dumb since I’d already seen it? Ha. AND lots of playing with the cats. So cute! They just love Jenny. Big kitty hugs!

Sunday was a great day (“I feel so productive!” as Jenny said). Got up and scurried to level 2 yoga. WHOA! Good class but very hot. Really fun to do with Jenny though. A little like gymnastics together (but less scary, heh). (Note, no, we did not end up going to Chicago Style which was fine – there were too many other fun things to do!) Then off to meet Hakan for brunch at Feast (a real place)! I love their fancy and amazing Chi life 🙂 and all the good food. We also got a second hit of Argo Tea (no lo tengo in Mpls) and then to JCrew to try on dresses, fun and good. THEN to Leonidas for a grand chocolate tasting and QT w/ JJ. Quality everything. Talking about friends. Enjoying amazing chocolate and mochas (whew!). The good life! Thanks Jenny for sharing it.

Then home? And some shopping? Registry attempts. Lots of walking. Cold but very sunny! So fun and a nicely relaxing time. (“for a relaxing time…make it Santori time” ok sorry haha) Finding a couple great bday cards for my pops HA!

Then beers with 1997(& 1993, & 1998)partner-in-crime Katie. Weird but good. Stirring things up etc. See above. Map Room was really cool! And “C”-mas presents to LX from KT. (“I love that you still hang that ornament!”)

And back to fondue with J and H. Fondue FEAST, that is. And then bed and now back to MN. Such a fun, great weekend! THANK YOU JENNY & HAKAN! 🙂

—

Now back to MSP which is good. I missed Jeff a LOT. (Yeah I’m kind of obsessed w/ JJs…ha.) Looking forward as always to the usual life with Jeff. The Good Life.

(2011 changed me – yeah, every year does, but moreso than others, this one – and I don’t think I’ll ever take my time with Jeff for granted again. Or a lot of people, but, you know. He is…THE BEST!)

Life! Happy hearts’ day, if you celebrate (we don’t really, but you never know). Here’s to love!

ETA: And then when we landed we flew RIGHT OVER our house! FATE. KISMET. Etc.

#FedValentines

Amazing, amusing, dorkily captivating.

Apple stock is now near $500 a share?!? I had said I would sell at $500??? But I am not ready to part w/ my ownership? Craziness. CRAZINESS! (This is before iPad3/iPhone5 even!!)

Defriending spree. Not sure how low I can go. We’ll see.

PIEOW!

Things I have been into lately:
-lattes with whole milk
-lowering my caffeine intake (in direct conflict w/ the above)
-negativity towards some people in my life bringing about positivity towards strangers/acquaintances
-defriending people/watching my friend list # fall
-hating on Facebook
-hating on Path’s privacy failure
-hating on haters
-reflecting on my friends, near and far and dear and not, and specifically those whom I met and immediately felt I must need to get-to-know and keep
-the BUFFALO CONNECTION
-refinancing!!!
-being an escrow-understanding genius
-being a god damned TAX GENIUS
–FiveThirtyEight being a god damned GENIUS at EVERYTHING (see: calling Santorum’s wins, whoa)
-deflecting recruiters on a regular basis
-REDBOX
-hate-reading blogs and reading about hate-reading
-the hate-reading somehow inspiring more positivity elsewhere, ha
-wondering who hate-reads lxforever (LOL)
-wondering if people want me to fail or have bad things happen to me
-NOT understanding Pinterest…ever
-having nightmares about Jenny’s wedding…and it’s not even my wedding
-telling Jenny what to register for
-generally being yet another controlling force in Jenny’s life…poor JJ
-bragging about Diana’s job
-using Logic to explain Emotion
–@Horse_Ebooks
–@shitgymnastsay (all SO TRUE)
-thinking about someone/thinking about emailing someone and then having him/her email me in that instant (kismet? fate? etc.)…oooh!
-listening to a particular track from A League of Their Own OVER and OVER and OVER
-…and when not that, listening to Coldplay’s Paradise over and over and OVER
-the awesome new speaker in my car…thank you Jeff!

Things we are into in our house:
-oxen mysteries
-cottage cheese
-PRODUCE/veggies/etc.
-hating on haters
-‘lazy meanies’
-cozy base
-animals
-50/50
-etc.

Things to which I am looking forward:
-seeing JENNY this weekend in Chicago! And Hakan! And their cats and hanging out with all of them in their SUPER COOL apartment downtown!!
-JENNYTIME!
-seeing Andrea in Chicago! luncchhhhhhh! + setting her and Jenny up ; )
-other Chicago adventures!
-sushi lunch with Tiffany Monday?
-possibly skating again with Jeff soon!

Wow, there was a lot of HATE in this update. Ha ha. So be it! Later haters.

Facebook is a minefield. For multiple reasons. Strongly considering quitting…or starting over. No seriously I am. But Then What? Too many people. Ughhhhh.

Other than that, I am happy. Sunny sun day, short nice run, getting work done. Great weekend with Jeff!, which is just what the doctor orders, all the time ;); movie night, yoga time, Valentine-making, lots of cooking, Hanging Out. The Animals! And pancake lunch / chatting with A-K + Angela / reading ‘zines in the sun.

Then Chi.

AND getting our taxes within $100 (other than the SE tax part) of what the IRS wants…HOLLA! GOD I AM GREAT. Yeah!

And lots of A League Of Their Own.

“Every new beginning / is some other beginning’s end”

Yesssssss. Yes.

“Reality demands
that we also mention this:
Life goes on.
It continues at Cannae and Borodino,
at Kosovo Polje and Guernica.”

—Wislawa Szymborska / Translated from the Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh

From Horse_ebooks:

Unknown to all of them, the delicate balance of life and death is shifting, and human existence will reach a stunning turning point. Now,

Discover How To Eat Your Way To The Dream

“Friday night! / the party’s here on the West side”

—Montell Jordan

time 8:04 am feeling good, sleepy wearing jeans, black-and-gray striped shirt…prisoner reading Infinite Jest, probably forever… music A League of Their Own soundtrack, HA! ready for hot tea next make tea, update #s

Random thoughts / Friday Five:

1. 8.3% unemployment rate / 243k jobs added HOLLA!! (As if I needed more evidence that Obama’ll stay in office…) But seriously, this makes me SO HAPPY to see. Beating it back!

2. Fuck the haters.

3. My knee is not totally thrilled with the skating/gymnastics, 4 days later. BUT, whatever.

4. Was going to go to Edison tonight to help coach but turns out they have a JV conference meet. On the one hand, this is their only non-Weds meet until their far-away meets, so it would be good to go, PLUS there is no UMN meet this weekend, so… On the other, it would be kind of fun to go home and watch Shameless all afternoon/evening too ; ) ha.

5. Chicago / JENNY! / fun! / Chicago Style next weekend!!

RANDOM MEMORY

1998 Buckeye Classic. At the time it was the largest women’s gymnastics meet in the country (now Chicago Style is). We had about 10 gymnasts from Badger traveling together to the meet. When we arrived in Columbus, we checked in to the hotel, then got back in the van and drove over to the arena – Tom wanted us to check in to the meet. Cool giant arena, tons of vendors, lots of activity. It was a Thursday-Sunday affair so our plan was to sling on our athlete badges and get comfortable with the arena right away.

Right away when we walked in we noticed the awards – sweet medals for places 4-8 and SUPER sweet plaques for places 1-3. I saw those plaques and IMMEDIATELY decided that I was going to get myself one of those. (Normally this wouldn’t be possible, seeing as I was not a very good athlete, but 1998 was my second year of Level 8 + I was old so I was kind of busy sweeping the season, heh.)

My best shot was bars. So I decided then and there I was going to do the most kickass bar routine ever.

(WHY I didn’t just try to do this at every meet, like a NORMAL competitor would, I’ll never know. I guess I really wanted to prove I could get one of those cool plaques LOL.)

And lo and behold I did. We competed on Friday and I was all over bars. I was tighter and swifter and stronger than usual and got a 9.something on that routine. Or an 8.95? Whatever. No meltdowns, nothing, I was sure and confident and nailed it. YEAH! And after our session when they posted results, I was in first place for my age group on bars. Heck yes. Make It Happen.

For the rest of the days there I ran over and checked the posted paper rankings anxiously, dragging my teammates along, as they updated them after each session (side note: yes PAPER, isn’t that bizarre? EVERY session they printed new rankings, too!). For several sessions I stayed in first which was thrilling, then some chick bested me. Ah fine. Still in plaque-position, eh? One more girl bested her and then in 3rd I remained. But hey – THIRD! Out of so many. So cool!

I’m amused that I was so motivated by a piece of wood or whatever, but I think it was more the prospect of saying “yeah I was in the top 3” that made me go for it. I know I placed on a couple other events but no others were top 3. Very rarely do I say “OK this is what I want and I’m going to get it” and actually GET IT (athletically anyway), SO this was an awesome memory.

—

And now for the #s. Happy Friday.

“Squint your eyes and look closer / I’m not between you and your ambition”

—32 Flavors, Alana Davis(?)

“Shit, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I’m in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It’s what lights you up, you can’t deny that.”

—Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), A League of Their Own…I have no shame

GOD I forgot how often I kick SO MUCH ASS this particular weekend in January!! Generally athletic ass (which = true), but historically I kind of forgot that I’ve had some really good times the last weekend in January. (This also used to coincide w/ Superbowl weekend, NOT THAT I CARED but just that it meant my gymnastics meets were themed as such…quite stupidly IMHO.) Seriously, awesome Level 8 meet in 1998 and awesome Level 9 meet in 2000, BOTH w/ career highs/9.0s…WHAT UP January-o/Enero.

AND it continues! As I mentioned, the SUPER GREAT skating, the new yoga stuff, and then LAST NIGHT the piece d’resistance (or…whatever you say it) which was kicking ass at my first time back in a gymnastics gym in almost a year! I did a few things I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do at 30…guess all that strength obsession pays off SOMEwhere. Aerials, get at me (and to think last time I did those back in March my knee was in SO MUCH PAIN I thought I’d have to retire?!). Switchleap-straddle jump on beam? Oh yeah. Kips, NBD. Cast handstand, NBD. Oh giants…OH YEAH I can still do THOSE TOO. HOT. WITH a layout flyaway. AW YEAH! And BHS, and RO BHS, and back tucks on tramp, etc. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD! I mean, these are all basic things, but it’s really cool to be able to come back after 10+ months away and STILL ‘have it’, at least a little bit. Especially for a terrible, not-naturally-talented athlete like moi…ha.

AND of course the thing that makes me most happy is that I did FRONT HANDSPRING FRONT TUCKS on rod floor…HOLLA!!! I never know when I might be able to pull those things out but it is such an awesome feeling when I can! Tricky brain. Love it!

…GOD it is embarrassing/yet amusing that gymnastics, and simple skills at that, can STILL give me such a high…HAHAHAHAHA. Wow. I amaze myself. It was really fun though and I hope to go back soon. Thank you Kelly for inviting me/getting me to get out there. YEAH!

…I am sure I will pay for this gymnastics excursion with _massive_ muscular soreness/pain very, very soon. Oh but yeah – WORTH IT.

So yeah. Went to HITF today to do a little tour with my student-mentee gal (she’s a doll, however, I think she thinks I’m a corporate dork, note, mostly right, alas). Great new space. Good times. They were so helpful and chatty and I REALLY appreciate that – always so nice to me. I am always a bit sad to be gone. We spent a little while identifying all of the players in our HAMJAM09(? or 08?) poster. Honestly so much of my time there seems mystical, unreal, more of a story than actual truth, more characters than actual people? I can’t explain it. But many of the people are my friends, and 2006-2009 happened, so…there ya go. Mysteries and make-believe. Weirdly a little like HS, somehow.

And TIME GOES BY.

And time goes by.

And then tomorrow is February. And March, April, May, June. And then before you know it it’s 2013. And then all of a sudden you’re 38 and then you’re plotting other futures and then there’s 40th birthday parties in Vegas instead and then it’s Olympicsanddropoffsandmealplanningandcalendarsandcraftsand datenightsandrushingandmovingaheadandandnandandandas ldfhpoawiefzkxf and then you’re dead.

Happy 2/1/12, in advance. Seeya.

ETA, later: I FORGOT. When we were at aunts/cousins lunch Saturday, at some point while she was talking (if I am not mistaken, C??) my cousin Christie actually WINKED mid-sentence. This made me very very happy as sometimes I do this and then think “what kind of weirdo DOES that?!”

And there you have it. Pieow!

“When she was just a girl / she expected the world / but it flew away from her reach / so she ran away in her sleep / dreamed of paradise // … // So lying underneath those stormy skies / she said / I know the sun must set to rise”

—Coldplay, Paradise…I want this CD!

“Interests and activities: talking to people about Jesus; and baton-twirling.”

—yes this is real but I cannot name the source

Oh creepy dreams…so hard to escape or shake. I have strong and weird beliefs in dreams (like, sleeping-nighttime-dreams, duh) so this makes it even harder. Very powerful and present dreams yesterday. What is this Universe trying to tell me?

To make a website for ants?!?!! (JK.)

Also hard to shake: stewing, anger. Time to give up and let go. You won’t get what you want from everyone – how long will it take me to learn this? – all you can manage is yourself.

Anyway. UGHHHHHHHH annoyed. ANNOYED!!!

—

Blond 13-year-old boy, lacing up hockey skates: “Hey Annie.”
Red-haired 13-year-old girl, also lacing up hockey skates (‘Annie’): “Hey.”
Boy: “I just ate at Fat Lorenzo’s, a medium pizza, a salad with mozzarella, AND gelato!”
Annie: “You are ALL that?!”
Boy: “No, I shared the pizza. My grandpa’s in town and every time he’s here he takes us to Fat Lorenzo’s.”
Annie: “Cool.”
Boy: “So you here to play pickup?”
Annie (in a ‘duh’ voice): “Uhhh, yeah…it’s kind of the whole reason I came here…”
Boy: “I like your pink laces.”
Annie: “Thanks.”
Other 13-year-old boy: “Annie, you can get me purple tape for my birthday. Hear that? Purple tape.”
Annie: “OK…got it. Purple tape.”
Other boy: “PURPLE tape!”
Annie: “Got it!”
Other boy, to Boy 1: “Jordan, why aren’t you talking to me, bro.”
*silence*
Other boy: “Why aren’t you talking to me, Jordan?”
Boy 1 (Jordan): “You know why.”
Other boy: “No, I don’t, unless you tell me.”
Jordan: “You know what you did, so I’m not going to tell you.”
Other boy: “No, I don’t.”

^ this actually happened. At Pearl Park on Sunday. Oh 13-year-olds. Oh City Kids. Oh LIFE.

—

I had a most lovely Sunday filled with: making a new scone recipes (thanks EatLiveRun!, as always), doing a lot of cooking/week food-prep stuff (sorry, I actually do like this…), SKATING with Jeff, working on Valentines, watched some Shameless and went swimming! GREAT, great day!!!

I also learned new things this weekend:
-learned how to do a new inversion in yoga on Saturday thanks to instructor Angela T. She was great!
-I also tried some new weird poses/binds in yoga…yeah Level 2/yeah Angela T for encouraging challenges/yeah men who try it and I decide to prove that a lady can do it, toooooo!/yeah! Birds of paradise or whatever it is.
-I was a great skater on Sunday despite having not skated for awhile…kind of getting great, really striding like a real hockey skater, woo hoo!
-I think that’s it but those things were pretty terrific. YEAH!

Sat: level 2 yoga.
Sun: Skating then swimming.
Tonight: gymnastics(!) after a loooooong hiatus…
Tomorrow: row and/or lift

Then I will probably rest Weds, or Friday. My body will DEMAND it, anyway.

I had a much better update in me but this is what you get. I am annoyed and plan to work off some frustration in the gym if possible. Grrrrr!

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Today is a day of mystery, confusion, paranoia, and pizza-partying (tonight!). And coffee. And a beautiful pink sunrise on the blue-glassed downtown (LOVE). And more sunlight.

So far one mystery has included this: WHO set the font-size in our global CSS to 12%?? Who would do this?! Gaslighting…??? It’s like a website for ants.

Unsolved.

Another mystery has included another questionable page on the site.

Which is possibly solved?

Another mystery lately has been this: Recruiters. In all forms. Recruiters who cannot spell. Recruiters who find an unlisted phone number yet say ‘I have my ways’ creepily when you inquire as to how they got this # (sounds a little too ‘Black Swan’-Mila-Kunis to me, frankly). Recruiters who want you to move to San Francisco to work at a startup game company on VC money.

(Yes, this actually happened.)

Another mystery: Newt Gingrich…and Newt Gingrich going to the Moon? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK sorry.

Among others…

Curiouser and curiouser.

I’ve also had not one but TWO incidents with the term “TBC” this week. One in reference to a fake ‘book swap Sunday’, another in a Trike blog post. I think TBC is the new TBD.

In other news, there is a pizza party at our house tonight. Well, not really a party, just me Jeff and Erik. Actually, it probably will be a party? Happy Friday!

ETA: I leave you with this interesting string of curious phrases posted in succession:

“toxic”

“Pruning The Elements Of Death In Your Life”

“Learn an uncanny strategy”

…credit @Horse_ebooks