lxforever

…it is also good to record not just GOOD ones.

lonely, depressed, TIRED, coming off of caffeine overload, failing to sleep adequately, coming off of my summer high? (I hope not?), missing Jeff, unsettled, anxious, too many thoughts swirling in my head, wary of possibilities, TIRED, desperately in need of lake/woods/disconnected/uncaffeinated Northern WI time, TIRED.

Luckily that lake time is what I’m about to get. So. Hoping this is just a one-day fun(sarcasm)fest : P.

“You’re still going strong.”

Happy birthday Slickery (Lisa)!

It’s kind of scary that every single thing that comes out of Obama’s mouth at this Town Hall on Twitter is something I completely agree with in every single way. Judgment-blinding crush? YES. But is he right? PROBABLY.

Or maybe he’s just a liberal slickster. 😉

http://askobama.twitter.com/

“Mysterious chemistry / someone’s cooking in the kitchen / Elixir of the pearl of luscious berry swirl / I’m losing some sleep / No company I’d rather keep // … And now I’m never the same / never the same girl twice”

—Supreme Beings of Leisure

“The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms.”

—Kurt Vonnegut …you should follow ‘him’ (fake him) on Twitter

time 5:12 pm feeling very happy but wishing I could relive my weekend wearing red tank, white eyelet skirt music Teenage Dream, sorry ready for another standout weekend next home, let me go home

Sometimes…I worry about people I care about. Like, in that I just want my friends and loved ones to be happy, and sometimes I have a weird melancholyish sense from …somewhere… that they are not. Or I KNOW that they are not, for one reason or another, and I wish I could change that. That’s all. What can I say. Still a pleaser despite my confrontational, self-absorbed exterior. Ha.

Anyway.

Bang-up (perfect use of that phrase BTW? …YES) Fourth. Best ever? POSSIBLY. I already did most of the weekend with my weird Sunday update. But yesterday was sparkling. (AND of course today I [and Jeff too] have post-partying depression and just want to relive the past few days over and over and over… the only downside to having this much fun is when it stops, HA! But, moving along.)

The scheming to our 4th began Sunday night when we invited Erik to come over and grill/watch fireworks with us. His response of “I’m bringing Mike’s and a surprise!” got the mood set up right. On the actual 4th we awoke and though we should have just had pancakes to recover, we were (AS ALWAYS) pulled to the gym and off we went. Gah! OCD. WCYD. I lifted and did FIVE PRESS HANDSTANDS(!), but then felt like absolute death afterwards. Fail. Should’ve rested! Oh Well. Felt better having gotten that out of the way at least…

Home, Shower #1 of the day, off to TWINS GAME! Hot but beautiful. Sun sun sun sun sun. (The SUN is probably my first true love, eh?) Luckily we were under shade. Twins were playing Rays = two of Ian’s favorite teams, so many texts/emails were exchanged surrounding that as he was at his first-ever tailgate/Brewers game combo. He was in IAN HEAVEN. Though Jane admitted he was jealous of our game and sent a funny email to that effect. It was a wonderful game, great seats, good food to combat the “settling in” effect, so much AMERICA F YEAH! pride + all. Two homeruns! Duensing pitches the whole game! Dance partying in our seat to Tolbert’s “what is love” song every time! Great stuff.

There’s a reason I love the 4th beyond July, fireworks, summer, etc. And that is the RED and BLUE everywhere. Let that be noted.

The walk back to Jeff’s parking lot left us drenched in sweat so that meant Shower #2 when we arrived home. Briefly schemed of decorating the house in all F YEAH AMERICA stuff to annoy Erik but chose to save $ instead. Indeed. Rested out of the sun and made food for The Week Ahead. Erik arrives! With a surprise! GIANT can of beans. “I predicted she’d take a photo!” Can’t help it. The Recorder.

Onto the grill the giant can went. Jeff and Erik reminisce about their childhood, their old home, schooling, friends, guitar, eating, etc. Reminds me of me and Jenny. Lots of love. Lots of joking. Better Brothers -> Bean Brothers? Too good. So lucky to have so many good people in my life, especially those two.

Grillout continues, Erik plays us music of “his arrival” at the gym and other goodies. Beans heat up. GIANT! “You’re standing there eating those beans and it’s making me nervous.” Ha! I then play a smattering of awesome Pop Music 2011 + earlier. FEASTING! We finally feast at 9ish. Just in time! The feast concludes and Erik tries to pass out on our couch by the light of the fish tank. NO! We must go on!

Gather ourselves and walk 3 blocks to Todd Park where we can see the top half of the Richfield fireworks show. As it turns out we can now see the full thing as well as half of Edina’s. What’s up with that? We’ll take it. Jeff dances for us by the bench while Erik makes music with his hands and “trumpet” noises. The 5 stops behind us and a man with his son approaches us to chit chat about “making music with our bodies”. He then shares what “this drunk guy taught me” years ago. NICE. However this ends Jeff’s Four-Quadrants dance. Alas.

ALSO getting off of the bus to watch fireworks at Todd Park is a man with a backpack. In the backpack there turns out to be a boa constrictor, which he laces around his neck in the dark. CREEPIEST Mpls sight ever, ha ha ha! He then wanders off. We continue to watch fireworks as Erik dances a mosquito jig. Lots of laughter. Again good people + good fortune. Feeling very very lucky as always, but extra-much-so lately. LOVE.

Home for Shower #3 and the night is over. Good solid sleep with a nighttime thunderstorm. “It’s hard to believe it can get better than this / but I’m starting to believe that it can.”

“You know, you’re lucky you’re so [redacted], or else you would have NOTHING.”

—Jeff Akervik, 7/3/11, watching me attempt to dance

“Well at least we’re being responsible about it! We’re at home!”

—Jeff Akervik, 7/3/11

“Don’t ever look back / Don’t ever look back”

—Katy Perry…I blame Jeff

“Tomorrow is tomorrow / Future cares have future cures / And we must mind today.”

—Sophocles (Antigone)

“There are the pursuing [STALKERS], the pursued, the busy, and the tired.”

—F. Scott Fitzgerald (“STALKERS” my addition, 12+ years ago)

time _The Night_ feeling content wearing black dress music POP, always and always and always ready for Probably could stand to be out of the sun for a little bit next ???

Title obviously stolen from Trike. Update obviously fulfilling a self-fulfilling prophecy. To steal from Trike AGAIN, you get a THINGS IT’S ALL ABOUT:

Prosecco, FATE, self-fulfilling prophecies, sleeping the morning away in the Yellow Room Motel to avoid the birds, fireworks, KISMET, homemade mojitos, WEDDINGS, dancing, Getting Low, riding bikes bikes bikes!, Teenage Dreams, transparency, SHAMELESSNESS, coldpress in massive and inappropriate quantities, POP MUSIC x2394872358, lemonade stands by your neighbor gal who gives all the money to manatees + whales + pandas and has little stuffed animals on the table to remind you, patronizing S Mpls lemonade stands in general, SUNSCREEN, dressing up skeptically for Twins games, pulling a ‘Barb + Steve’, shopping with INTERNET FRIENDS in real life, videogames + blogging (at least at this house), “what is life like at YOUR house?”, dance parties in the kitchen, dance remixes, dancing again, swimming, water, SUMMER OF LOVE, living 29 to its fullest, running into people, betta fish, TV on DVD (sorry but true), conjuring up RANDOMNESS, reunions, convincing TRANSPLANTS/”foreigners”, welcoming newcomers, running buddies and scheming that up, coming out of the woodwork, connections and being open to possibility, LOVE and true lovers, FRIENDS. FAMILY.

And this is before even a third glass of Prosecco. Oh wait, this is just how I always am.

Four+ hours (60 mi. between today and yesterday?) on the bike today/over 1/4 of my waking hours. Plus swimming. Questionable. But so devoted to physical activity. So – ? May need to learn to tone it down, as I ought in all areas of my life. Hmmmm. “Nice guns.” Scary.

So far a sparklingly superb 4th of July weekend, and it’s only the 3rd. (“Happy 3rd!” YES.) In spite of two wakeups in a row devoted to general sense of unease/anxiety. Alas, such is this life. Anyway…RECAP(let?):

FRIDAY started things off right with a little brunchtime reprieve from working at home with a grand visit from Christie and Laura. We feasted at Patisserie 46, grand upon grand in and of itself, and Laura wanted a lot of cuddles from Mom. Adorable. Home to chit chat and watch Laura try to find things to play with. She did handsomely and enjoyed my red 2005 cellphone. She ALSO stomped right up the steps to our house. Bless! It was a lovely visit and I was so happy they came to visit.

THEN to spend the rest of the day doing what some call work. Failed at trying to fix the bugs in my iPhone app. Starting to worry. Oh Well.

Jeff came home and I succeeded yet again in making us a terrific meal of zucchini carbonara. Cream, bacon, egg, pasta, oh and zucchini. Questionable level of health. But so perfect. Crazy storms descended upon Minneapolis but we were spared save strong rain. I think we were a tad disappointed. Continued watching The Wire and drank Prosecco for Matt Mason’s hott LSAT score. INDEED.

SATURDAY after my early-AM freakout, all was well. We had grand plans to clean all the windows/blinds AND get all of the house-renovation-y things we needed at Home Depot. Only Home Depot was accomplished. Descended upon Home Depot(S) to gather tile and doorknobs. Mucho dinero. Bleeding cash. Economy, YOU’RE WELCOME.

Then we split to get in PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. Jeff went to the gym and I cruised the lakes. Not without first a stop for raspberry lemonade from the Cutest Lemonade Stand Ever from the Cutest Neighbor Girl + Her Nerdy Friend Ever (see above). Awww! Great lake cruise. Saw a woman riding with a bow and arrow on her back. Hmmm. Jeff mowed. I weeded.

Showered + dolled up to try and get Twins tickets. Pulling a Barb + Steve. Trolled around DT for tickets amongst many Brewers and Twins fans. NO DICE. Waited it out and still nothing. FAIL. Culver’s + Wire. What a season. Stringer Bell man. Fell asleep on couch as usual. STEVELIKE. Then really to bed.

SUNDAY today. Another weird morning of having to sleep in Yellow Room Motel in the early AM. Gah! Body/mind, mind/body. (Today was where I questionably took it too far in the PHYSICAL ACTIVITY department, yet I couldn’t stop myself and still don’t feel bad. So, that’s good?) Up earlyish to roast beets/do dishes/call Mom. A good chat with Mom!

Then: made oatmeal, Jeff tried to fix a radio. Fail. I hopped on the bike to get up to the U to swim. SWIMMING! Only swam ~1000m as I had grand plans to bike home (DUH!) and then bike w/ Jeff later. So. 20mi RT from house to U the way I go. Questionable choice. But not at ALL since it was so BEAUTIFUL out. The lanes were at 50m again which I love but is tiring. But lovely.

HOME to ‘lunch’ (aka yogurt and bread, per usual) and then back OUT on the bike with Jeff. Will I ever turn down an offer for a Bike Ride, esp. with my favorite person Jeff? NO! He wanted to do Super Mini Grand Rounds, then on our way up Calhoun proclaimed “Let’s do Mini Grand Rounds and go DT!” Cannot.resist. DT it was, Jeff saw the new DT bike path. Love. Right past HAM and Current Workplace. FATE. KISMET. 2011.

THEN: “Let’s go across Stone Arch!” THEN: “Let’s go to the U!” _THEN_: “Let’s get smoothies!” Smoothies saved my life. Coconut water YES. Hanging out by the U. Things We Love. This is Our House. Ohhh memories! “Where did you study?” Jeff in BioSci (“it was so quiet!”); me in CSci (probably because the window frames were red and it was my secret dream). Random. TRUE.

THEN: “Let’s go home along the EAST River Parkway!” Showing a little St.P love eh? BEAUTIFUL and unexpected, gorgeous. Pathways clear out. So Much Sun. 4+ hours on bike. So worth every second. So much sun, enough to sustain me for a year…or at least a day or two.

HOME, water plants, shower, bike over to Angela and Seth’s BBQ. Met many wonderful people. They have good friends. Even if I got too political as always. (I just ASSume everyone is a Dem. Oops. You know what the say about ASSume…) Cake Pops! Angela is FIERCE and an Extremely Good Baker. I should’ve known! Reminisced with one of their friends about the Angela And Seth Early Days. “So…was that a date?” Awww bless. Big yard. Tiny dog. So nice. Just a few blocks away. We need to Hang Out more.

HOME again where the evening took a decidedly different turn as I’m sure you’ve been able to infer. Wow. Fireworks outside. Lots of random emails inbetween. Always free lancin’ even when I’m not. Always romancing (what? not really, it just rhymed.). Always…. STAYING. IN. TOUCH. Stay in touch. Please do.

Still trolling stats reports. Who ARE all of you??

Jeff has commanded an inappropriately intoxicated update. “It’s been awhile…” “Yeah, like, since 2005!” “Yeah!”

I highly doubt this will actually happen. I need to get to bed sooner rather than later. But…I am drinking Prosecco, again. So…You’ve Been Warned.

(Yes, this is what we do at our house.)

“Goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tight / may it hold you through the winter of a long night / and keep you from the loneliness of yourself / … / The sun shines but I don’t / a silver rain will wash away / and you can’t tell, it’s just as well / and you can’t tell, it’s just as well / Goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day / Goodnight, always, to all that’s pure that’s in your heart”

—Smashing Pumpkins, Farewell and Goodnight

“Attempting to find happiness through fascist time management practices…”

—Michael J., last week

time too early, hello Steve Mason early-AM insomnia settling in feeling overtired and unsettled and anxious wearing pjs music Farewell and Goodnight ready for 6+ hours of sleep in a row next ???

“The crash will be spectacular.” Oh July, I was afraid of this. June was almost too good to be true and left a lot of room for post-partying depression. It’s only the second day of July, though, so I’m trying not to get too wrapped up in this idea of this being the foretold crash. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Fail.

I woke up too early and too anxious for the start to my favorite month and to one of my favorite weekends of the year. Heightened anxiety and a general sense of unease with no particular focus. UGH!!! I absolutely know that more sleep will aid this problem, since I just haven’t been getting enough for various reasons, yet here I’ve laid for almost an hour, listening to Farewell & Goodnight, trying to practice savasana, and no dice. Should’ve listened to my body and gone to bed earlier…when will I learn? Soon, I hope.

Of course it’s all light and bird-chirpy and this doesn’t help my get-back-to-sleep cause. Maybe I’ll just give up and get up and write gymn certificates for Wednesday…

Sometimes it catches up, Pop Music Princess, Prosecco Fairy, partying + all. Dislike uncertainty, no, dislike isn’t a strong enough word. ABHOR. Always the theme of this anxious life, this discomfort with uncertainty. How many times have I gone over this? And yet…

OK. Writing is already helping. So what, I didn’t get enough sleep, guess what? I can take a nap because it’s SATURDAY. And I can just get up now if I have to and go from there. And even if this is a crash, there’s no way it can be as bad as before. Mini-crash, that’s OK.

I saw Christie and Laura yesterday which was fantastic. This weekend is all about hanging out with Jeff, readying the house, cleaning windows + going to Home Depot, BBQ?, grilling, Twins game?, and bike riding. What else is it supposed to be about, anyway?

Come on brain! Let’s get back to partying. I can feel it…eh? : )

EDITED TO ADD / THREE HOURS LATER: Amazing what 2+ more hours of sleep and waking up at a normal time to beautiful sunshine can do for you. I feel so much better and it makes me want to take this whole entry down, however that is not how I roll, so, it remains. Somehow with a little writing and reading I was able to soothe myself back to sleep (also thanks to Yellow Room Motel, pieow). Soothe Yourself. Happy July. BACK AT IT! Momentary crash/lapse. Open for business (well, not the state, but….).

YAY!!!!!!! : D

“I believe there is a distance I have wandered / to touch upon the years of / reaching out and reaching in / holding out holding in / I believe / this is heaven to no one else but me”

—Sarah McLachlan, Elsewhere / LXv2.0

“STRIPES!”

—Jeff, 6/26/11

time 9:53 am, creepy feeling good wearing gray shirt, capris music Lisa Loeb comeback baby! ready for cold to go away next fix arrays

First, RANDOMNESS:

-PRIORITIES: family (this includes JEFF), friends, physical activity, financial security, FUN, balance, downtime too. Just to keep it straight. Priorities.

-A little girl at the wedding: “I think you’re beautiful. Oh wait, you’re the wrong one.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Coming out of the woodwork. Not closed to opportunity. Just when you think things are settled.

-Riding an awesome high. Thus the crash shall be spectacular. However the Universe owes me. SO I am counting on this high lasting quite some time. Hoping it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy and whatnot.

-11 days in MSP, get at me. Jam packing it in. Adamant scheduling. PRIORITIES!

—

That all said, an ode to bikes:

I may appear newly and unduly obsessed with my bike, however I would like to note that I have been a bike-riding-lover since my first two-wheeler from someone’s basement at the age of 6 or so.

It was a boy’s bike, gray, so fancy 6-year-old moi was less than thrilled, however, it had a pretty sweet red seat with a big “S” on it which I determined stood for “Supergirl” (great movie). (Side note, perhaps this is where my red/gray love began, who knows.) Once those training wheels came off I was hooked, tooling around Meadowwood Drive day after day.

I think the greatest appeal was that I could get pretty far away and have a pretty great deal of freedom when out on the bike, and the same appeal exists today. Other appealing aspects: PHYSICAL ACTIVITY (quiet the mind; as those legs go, my energy is less concentrated in my crazy BRAIN and I can actually think for once; running used to work like this in a way too), seeing a lot of an area aka beautiful Minneapolis in a short(er) span of time, ADVENTURES, getting somewhere without having to deal with a car, and my favorite addiction, exercise-released endorphins. YES.

OTHER BIKES: blue banana-seat bike, light blue middle school bike, now dark blue GT Vantara from 1996 = mine still and forever. Blue blue blue. I need a new helmet, though.

OTHER THOUGHTS: Biking also used to take me to fun places in fun summers, such as diving, waterballet (I KNOW), swimming/tennis (ok, not so fun) lessons, driver’s ED ha ha ha, gymnastics in the nearer West, babysitting at Parkcrest, etc. SO especially now in summertime it has a component of reminding me of that. Eventually I got a license and I was obligated to drive me/Jenny to these places for awhile, but it’s worth noting that 12th grade I got back to the summer-biking-to-gymnastics-and-diving routine due to both paranoid exercise reasons AND the old love of biking in general taking over the new love of driving. YESSSSS.

(This all came to mind on my ride along the creek/river this AM, FWIW.)

IN CONCLUSION: I have always loved biking. Living in a gorgeous city with a devoted biking community just makes me love it more. Bike bike bike. My bike, my bike, my bike. Epic biking adventures. Yessssssssss.

“No lambs were harmed in the making of this human-skin lampshade.”

—”She’s just worried about the lambs…” 6/24/11

“Well, we wouldn’t have gotten lost if Phil hadn’t burned the map.”

—Peter, 6/25/11, after his 6AM hike the morning after the wedding/postpartying…Phil: “Sarah gave it to me!” Sarah Ke: “I didn’t know what it was!”

Straw siphoning…”Wouldn’t that be awkward?” “No, you just have the one person here…”

—Amber/me/A-K/others, 6/24/11…”Haven’t you read ‘The Lesbian’s Guide to Assisted Conception’?!” “Forget Immaculate Conception!”

time 1:53 pm feeling grounded but great wearing yellow shirt as per Jeff, gray pants from Arc Value Village, new sandals! music randomness, some LXv2.0, still EITS/POP ready for getting some more sleep next finish up newsletter

Hopefully you have now wiped the sap from your screen after reading my previous update. I promise to try and make this one different. I felt like I was on a cloud after that wedding and was trying to keep that feeling alive. Like you’re in love, you know?? What can I say, I’m a sap.

But here are the FACTS:

-The wedding was gorgeous. Sarah was/is beautiful. Sarah + Trent getting married = amazingness. Weddings that take place beside a lake in a forest before mountains in the Black Hills = nothing can compare. Ceremonies that fit the couple perfectly and make nod to their struggles = spot-on and TRUTH.

-Sarah and Trent have amazing friends. The bridesmaids (Sarah’s two best friends from HS as well as Trent’s sister) took me in as one of their own and were way, way, way, WAY fun and cool. I was worried about being all city with a bunch of Western girls but not once did they make me feel the least bit unwelcome. They were stupendous and hilarious all around. I was so grateful to get to spend Thursday night and all day Friday with them; it only made me wish I’d gotten to know them earlier/for longer.

-It was also clear how much S + T’s friends just love them (as they should), and how surrounded by good people they are. That was a terrible sentence. Anyway. When we went out Thursday night before the wedding (yep; started with a round of lemon drops, went on with beer/white sangria, and ended at bar close; Sarah: “yeah this probably wasn’t a good idea” then home to eat cookies/drink milk + water/fall into guest room bed laughing; Jeff: “Well you know who we’re dealing with here…”), I was just desperately trying to take it all in, enjoy every second. They were in their hometown (Rapid City), kept running into people from their past (Trent felt the need to show off to his middle school girlfriend the fact that he was getting married, HA!), and laughed and joked with friends far into the night. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know every single one of their great friends and felt very privileged to be by Sarah’s side the night before the wedding. THE BOMB!

-I also then went and shared a bed with the bride before the wedding (ooooh la la!) and then with Misty the night after the wedding (x2!). Just thought I should note that. Misty sounded like Jenny when she sleeps. Weird and CREEPY but true.

-I missed the rehearsal because I insisted on taking a shower. SORRY. But then we made it to the dinner/cookout which was wonderful. At one point I was standing in a circle with Anna, Amber, A-K, Misty, Susan, Kristin, Alyssa, Sarah, and Sarah and was struck by the surrealness of it all. Seriously insane. We hadn’t done that in 7 years and it was pretty much as amazing as it sounds. Sorry, again, creepy but TRUE. We also got some pretty sweet gifts, got to hang out with the bridesmaids, and the husbands played bags while Scott made a friend (“I’ve got my eye on your eye on me.”).

-The drives there and back were terrific. I couldn’t have asked for better companions. Kristin and I—DUH; Scott is so funny; Misty is such a fun and easy companion. DJ Scott kept us going via my iPod Touch many a time and we heard some great music, INCLUDING but not limited to the Shakira three-levels dance, Spice Girls “Spice Up Your Life”, Amy Grant HA!, Outkast Hey Ya! (“This song always reminds me of you!” -Kristin, to me…hmmmmm….but true), WILL SMITH, No Diggity, etc. Randomness. Greatness. We didn’t realize there was Mountain Time and used Twitter/Peter to ascertain that. OOPS. But we were the PREPARED Type A car (“wetnaps!”). Alas! It was a solid 10 hours both ways of good talks, big jokes, and lots of fun. Senor Weiner, winery/weinery, South Dakota/North Dakota fictional character, and all. Political ranting welcome as well! OF COURSE. Always. Just like being in Apt 3 again, desks in a row.

-Badlands on the way back. Pretty amazing. Alyssa: “My mother told me to tell you…” HA!

-Scott used the car ride to share a few stories with us, namely those of meeting Komomua and that of coming back to Apt 3 with me and Alyssa and Kristin after Kristin’s 21st bday. Epically hilarious. I want to draw a comic of it. “I’m going to clean!” “Leave me here!” “Who’s calling me?!” “It hit me like a knife in the back.” (I’m actually pretty sure I updated here drunkenly after that, heh.) Sarah’s “No face no chase!” Kristin goes to watch Evil Dead, “Scotttt, come innnnn hereeeeeeee!” -Sarah and Anna. OH GOD! Poor Scotty.

-Hopefully Phil is not Poor Phil after this weekend. “Trial by fire”, as Misty said, no doubt. “How OLD are you? You’re not one of THOSE, are you?!” “OH NO PHIL’s HERE!” AAAAH self. Tsk tsk. Poor Phil the Physicist.

-Misplacing of rings before ceremony, found with 30 mins to spare. Good thing Laura and Emily are so calm. I tried to fake it. (I also tried to fake being non-type-A in the AM and then finally was like “hey Sarah, the Type-A in me really wants one of us to get in the shower soon…” her mom cracked up, she is Type-A too. HA!)

-Kristin and Scott staying late at reception to help clean up and escort me back to cabin. Like my wedding again except it wasn’t, so they were even MORE wonderful! Then I promptly set about shushing myself all the way on the walk to the cabin AS I was talking…wow. (“The old CA was Steph. The new one is AXES CHILTON! SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”)

-Speaking of…yep, pretty sure I was THAT bridesmaid…AKA the crazy one. At first I was just high off of excitement/love/seeing S+T wed/seeing friends/dancing. Then…I reached my goal of intoxication. What can I say. Old habits…

-SPEAKING OF…I was the Prosecco fairy for a short while which was AWESOME. The bartender let me purchase a whole bottle (thanks to Autumn for the HOT TIP) and I then proceeded to distribute. First Sarah (duh), then A-K since I had told her I was getting us a bottle, then Scott because he put his hand out for one (ha), then Emily because she had to give a toast, and finally Susan, after confusion. For some reason I loved that.

-I was also the Pop Music Fairy during the getting-ready portion of the day…which was superb. Nothing a bit of pop music can’t fix. Lots of Forever by Chris Brown. HA.

-Speaking of…DANCING!!! DANCE DANCE DANCE. Danced for 3 hours straight and jumped around like crazy = only today (seriously) are my legs actually recovering. Absolutely crazy! I was just way into it. POCKETS!!! Lots of POCKET dancing (if you want to see this…let me know! it is fantastic), esp. w/ Amber/Anna. The DJ played alllll kinds of awesomeness, almost all requests, “I’ve never seen a crowd so excited about ABBA”, BUTT DANCE which Alyssa led the crowd in, WOW, Toxic, etc. Lots of golden oldies. Night started with Hey Ya which was perfect since I’d spent many a Thursday night in Sarah and Anna’s apartment in 2003 dancing to that one. WOW again.

-Speaking of (actually not at all)…I wore fake glasses for a portion of the reception/dance and that was pretty terrific. Also yay photo booth fun! NICE.

-The quilt was lovely…GO SUSAN.

-Alyssa + John + Axes matched and were WAY TOO CUTE. (IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: The last time the 10 of us were all together was at A+J’s wedding 7 years ago. SO COOL!)

-AFTERPARTY which consisted of everyone sitting in a circle in our party cabin eating sandwiches (sandwich fight? “I was trying to feed it to her” “From your mouth??”) made lovingly by Kristo, laughing until we were in pain, making inappropriate comments (some of us, um, more than others “If I could do it over again…with women”), going through photos (awkward?), etc etc etc. Again: WOW.

-Sarah and her whole family were SO wonderful to me, so laid-back and welcoming, and I just had so much fun in Rapid and then Black Hills. Great area, fun little town. When I was riding up to the Black Hills in Laura’s car with her and Emily I was just struck by overwhelming happiness. Just feeling like I have it made, no matter what, that good things lie ahead. Random. TRUTH. So many good people, so much love. (Sorry, more sap, too bad, you made it this far, that’s what you get.) So many good things ahead. LIFE! Bluebird skies! Happiness. Friends + lovers + all.

-ALTITUDE!

-Hair done…fun. Lots of fun! Sorting cards. “I’ll make your hair BIG!” Uh oh…ha! Then bagels together at a fave HS Rapid hangout spot. FOOD.

-The HOME song walking back down the aisle and having to dance so I wouldn’t cry. Such a great ceremony.

-The Hawaiian song walking in. KOMOMUA 4EVAH / Sever added on now. Love!

-Sunflowers!

-Adorable nieces

-Black and yellow / blue and yellow / such prettiness everywhere/decorating etc.

-Random grocery store upon arrival / “Neurogasm” / walkingman umbrella. YES!

-Hanging out with Alyssa + John + Axes by the beautiful lake in the beautiful sun the next morning, talking about LIFE. “Scheduling lunches?” YES. Such good friends. So lucky I am to have come back from my ‘break’ and have it all intact.

-Kristin, taking care of me as always!

-ANNA. We need that chemistry. God she cracks me up. She just DOES something. A-K in such a spectacular mode all weekend.

-Breakfast the next day. Catching up. Making plans! Hitting the road. Home, let me go home.

-& more & more & more.

Not sure I adequately captured ANY of this, but I did what I could. Event of the summer. I kind of cried when I said goodbye to Sarah and got all weird “I’m afraid I’ll never see you again”, I’ll attribute that to limoncello ouch. But. Lots of love.

June, it’s been surreal. Get at me, fairest month of all, July…

“I follow you into the park, through the jungle through the dark / Girl I’ve never loved one like you / Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls / I been everywhere with you (that’s true) / Laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night / never could be sweeter than with you // … // Home, Let me come Home / Home is Whenever I’m with you / Home, yes I am Home / Home is wherever I’m with you”

—Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

What do you go home to?

—Explosions in the Sky song title…BUY THIS SONG NOW I mean it

time 2:14 pm feeling drowning in love wearing Mad-Men-esque plaid shirt, skirt, red shoes music DMB/EITS/Edward Sharpe/POP ready for dreams upon dreams next yogurt

Have you ever had an absolutely beautiful time in your life that you desperately wanted back, but could never relive, never get back, for reason upon reason?

What if you could?

And what if you could have it back while bearing witness to the long-held dreams of one of your closest friends coming true?

It sounds like a dream in and of itself. And it sounds exactly like three days in June 2011, for me.

Sarah and Trent’s wedding was epic upon epic, for more reasons than one. I was fighting tears the entire ceremony, holding back sobs, about which I should be more embarrassed than I am, but I figure it’s only a matter of time before I turn into a big sentimental crying mess, as I age; I blame genetics (see: Jane Elizabeth Theissen). But really and truly I almost couldn’t believe it; I’m not a big crier at weddings (well: wasn’t), but it turns out 12 years of dreaming by one of your friends means 11 years of secret hope for her yourself. Like Kristin said, it means you have something you’re so grateful for, and you so badly want the same for your friends, those you love. And then…just like that, it happens.

And then you find yourself standing in a park in Rapid City, South Dakota, laughing in a circle with 9 other 29-year-old women, struck by the surreal feeling that this was just a breath away from the same stance of 10 19-year-old girls in a cafeteria, in a dorm, in a furnitureless apartment far away. That so much time was merely a gasp, that you can have it all back. And it unfolds and extends into the hours and hours before you, with laughter and jokes and dancing far into the night, as you surround that one friend with love…for her love coming true.

And then you come home, and you’re fussing about the house, unpacking, cleaning up, folding away your dreams, and your husband looks up from whatever he’s doing with the most beautiful grin, and tells you how much he loves you, how a pop song reminded him of you yesterday and it made him smile. And he makes you laugh like crazy, just like he does every single day, and you know you’re just so lucky to have him.

It’s hard to think it can get any better than this.

But I’m starting to believe it can.

“Girl I’ve never loved one like you / Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls / I been everywhere with you (that’s true) / Laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night / never could be sweeter than with you”

(A less sappy update to come complete with true people quotes, I hope. I’m just stuck in a sleepless, sentimental, surreal state right now.)

“If you don’t shut your ****ING MOUTH…I’ll kill you.” –Alyssa, 4/22/04, to Lexi “Sometimes I like to make her mad…” –Lexi “To provoke outbursts?” –A-K “You know what that’s called Lexi? That’s called S&M.” –Alyssa

—4/22/04

“Hey, my love, you came to me like / wine comes to this mouth / grown tired of water all the time / you quench my heart and / oh you quench my mind // Celebrate we will / cause life is short but sweet for certain”

—Dave Matthews Band

time 9:46 pm…*TOO LATE* before a 4:45 wakeup call (or not?) feeling *ANXIOUS* for no good reason wearing UMN pajamas, themes 4Evah music DMB/EITS/POP/National ready for hitting the road already, just 8 hours I suppose next *GET SOME SLEEP LX!*

Tweet from earlier…….

“general level of senseless ANXIETY rising…unclear sense of DREAD with no cause…aaaaah Brain shhhhhhhhhhh! #apt3freakout”

…..obviously I have a problem (several, actually). I know I will feel better once we hit the road. In the meantime, however, here I sit, filling with random apprehension, self-medicating with (a) sleepytime tea (b) massive amounts of candy (c) writing, while Jeff plays his sweet new videogame. A typical night at our house should help to settle my general, random sense of unease, no?

I will feel better when I am on the road to Kristin’s tomorrow just before 6, cold press in hand, Civic loaded up, freeway before us. In the meantime……I am anxiously anxious, because I am: Apt 3er, a MASON, firstborn, perfectionist, worrier, GYMNAST, myself/AFM->AMA 4-evah. AAAAAAAH.

But all is done, packing complete, car loaded, bridesmaid dress hung, treats baked, etc etc etc. SO this anxiety is for NAUGHT. Now all that is left is massive reunioning, enormous celebrating, and seeing Sarah and Trent get MARRIED. !!!

This is a horrible update.

Oh well.

I almost passed out after giving blood yesterday. They also f’ed it up and had to dig around in my arm. Then said I may have some significant bruising due to that. NOOOOOOOOOO. I am in a wedding on Friday people WHYYYYYYYY. It is my own fault for wanting to be as tissue-Karmic as possible, ha ha ha.

I also saw my INTERNET FRIEND Colleen yesterday and it made my night.

SOCIAL LIFE.

Stalkers everywhere…

…including self.

NOT DRINKING but should be……………..

FOOD BLOGS! Green Kitchen Stories. Underwear key lime pie. She consented to marry only if a man could outrun her in a race. Distractions. “He was 18.” SAASsy partying. High ponytails. 24 hours in the dorm save 1. Going to (New?) Mexico long-distance loves SAR fish comic yellow paint secretsrevealed formalpajamas maybabies 3ampancakes lockingusintheapt leftheovenonagain macaronicocopuffsbarclose thursdaynightbread streakingthemall hellpartyglitter wallquotes klaaquad aadsfpwuaovmwapoursa……………