lxforever

“Don’t believe in fear / don’t believe in pain / don’t believe in anyone / that you can’t tame”

—Garbage

“Guess what (guess what) / it’s gonna be me”

—NSYNC

“Doctor. / EAT THEM”

—creepy corn maze mailbox at McDougall’s Apple Junction

“With ease”

—Erik re: sandwiches, 10/2/11

time 10:39 AM feeling very happy! wearing maroon dressssss, 70+ degrees yo music *NSYNC ready for GTD next GTD

October, I forgot how much I LOVE YOU!!! Historically always one of my most bright and sparkly months and yet I always forget it. Then it creeps up on me like an awesome surprise. YESSSSSSSS.

Lots to do…GTD yo!…so a quick EOTW and quick Look Ahead.

EOTW:
Awesome weekend consisting of:
-organizing the back bedroom/making it more livable and less crowded/cleaning up our LIFE. Awesome! (Plans to take a day off to : P clean the basement soon too. Grrr but true.)
-apple orchard with Jeff and Erik! It’s probably my favorite orchard. McDougall’s. Erik found a corn maze and secret mailboxes. Walked to the North Korea of apples (aka FORBIDDEN FRUIT of SweetTango land…ooh) and up and down the rows. Super sunny and perfect weather! Apple brats and hotdogs from mathematically-challenged fundraising Lutheran children. Honey peanut butter and someone asking if J and E were twins (she was INSISTENT…ummmmm, no?). Climbing the platform and speculating about Gary McDougall. COFFEE and workout talk. Scheming up moneymaking ideas. Etc etc etc. “SweetTAAAAANGO!” (Amazing apple BTW.)
-cooking: channa masala, homemade pizza, fried rice, jalapeno cheddar hummus (again). COOKING LIFE. Good Food. Priorities! Enjoyment.
-sparkling water + St. Germain cocktail followed by a margarita out in the yard while reading my awesome BOOK Sunday afternoon/evening. Sooooooo nice out!
-bike ride up to the U to swim Sunday afternoon. Pool was largely empty and I got in a nice 1600m including intervals. Also got there during open dive and jumped right off 3m then 5m. Thrilling and semi-scary no matter what! “She’s a pro” ummmmm NO. Bike ride there and back was EPICALLY GORGEOUS. Fall colors were incredible, INCREDIBLE I tell you. If you are not along the Mississippi in MN in October, you don’t know what you’re missing! Soaked in the colors, red orange yellow red green bright bright bright. Bright Before Us. So Gorgeous.
-Binary day Friday! Hanging Out. Organizing fiends.
-chores etc. Accomplishment?
-Drawing Club!
-peanut butter pancakes and coffee and apple brunch Sunday AM on the patio
-finished my other book which was a graphic novel which made me cry. It’s called American Widow and you should definitely read it. DEFINITELY.
-GTD and moving ahead. BREAKTHROUGHS too! iPhone app etc.
-Sunny sunny sun and warmth and dance partying all over the house. NSYNC!

I am sure there is more but it was a lovely weekend indeeeeeeed…yes.

Looking Ahead:
While I LOVE and LIVE FOR summer and do love fall, and do not really like winter, there are a few things I am looking forward to for winter. Basically it looks like this:

Staying in the house all weekend except for workouts as necessary, lots of cooking and baking and HOT COFFEE while I watch snow pile up, drawing and reading and staying WARM, and then only really venturing out of the house to hit up UMN gymnastics meets with D and Brandon and other special guests such as Jeff etc. YES!!!

I lead a charmed, charmed life. Happy October!

“I’ve just begun / having my fun yeah”

—Britney Spears

busy, busy, busy…

…to quote KV.

September, you were stupendous.

*NSYNC in the AM and dance partying/organizing before 6AM, you are also stupendous. As is our super nerdy excitement to return home tonight and ORGANIZE!

Jeff + other loved ones made my bday a most GLORIOUS day. He is taking me to the North Shore for my gift!!! Riding my bike along Lake Superior! Cannot wait!!

Busy, busy, busy:
-organizing/DOWNTIME fiiiinally toNIGHT!
-bike ride/Cole?/freelance/apple orchard tmw!
-swim/laundry/TCOB Sun
-GDHH Mon
-Roommate Reunion Tues!
-gymn Weds
-eye appt followup/pack Thurs
-TRIP!!!!!

Then home.

Then Madison, surrounded by Dave’s going-away and Sarah visiting.

Then Halloween.

Then…NOVEMBER.

Damn. But I love it.

LOVE OCTOBER too!!! Happy Friday all!

“You get the world for your birthday, baby / open your eyes and say, yes, no, maybe”

—Frente, Ordinary Angels

“ITB / SIS / Stay In School / ’cause It’s The Best”

—Peaches

…Him Wong / Hung Duck / Chew Chow / etc.

—Jeff/Scott, 9/24/11

“THIS is the part I was BORN to play!”

—Alyssa, 2001(?)

time 11:50 AM feeling perfectly wonderful! + highly caffeinated… wearing TRENDFEST boots and awesome new teal shirt from Mom! music Frente etc. ready for 30! which I am next lunch? + weekly update

Happy birthday to me! 30, finally catching up. WHAT UP. I feel really good about 30 (AKA 2*3*5…oooooh primes. ooooh…), like really really good, better than I thought I would. I was pretty good at 20-29 but I think 30+ will be all “this is the part I was BORN to play.”

Oops, just wrote ‘party’ for ‘part’. Pretty sure that’s appropriate though as I’ve been partying like mad for the past 10 days. Honestly today is great but it’s been a pretty decadent 10 days so I think this will mark the end of the 30th celebrations, ha!

But really it has been AWESOME upon AWESOME. Jeff and my family and Jenny and everyone REALLY just went all out and I am the luckiest lady alive! So, that said, this update deserves a massive EOTW as it was spectacular. I will be back soon to do just that!

—

OK back. So here is what was up: I already did the fun celebration weekend w/ Barb and Steve last weekend. Funfunfun! Then came this weekend:

Friday as I noted I had a solo slumber party which was AWESOME and just what I was craving. The night before I had a fun hangout night with Jeff and hit up Melissa’s going away, so down time was necessary. I should note here that I was on gchat with Jenny at work when she mysteriously disappeared at 12. Hmmmm…anyway. I left work late and headed to Target where I coveted some black boots (which I eventually purchased yesterday…yep trendfest here we come) and did the good ol’ grocery shopping. Home and putzed around, scrubbed the tub white, + eventually made myself a calzone using leftover pizza dough and settled in to watch Grey’s/eat calzone/drink beer+apple cider/eat jellybeans. Two episodes. They made me cry b/c I am a LOSER and Christie was RIGHT (about crying, not about being a loser…I don’t think anyway). Ha. Meant to read but fell asleep after talking to Jeff. Up late but I guess that’s what a slumber party is for?

Saturday I woke up alone in the house for the 2nd time EVER (first being last year’s ice storm incident). It was weird and awesome. Hung out reading for awhile and eventually got up to do some stretching/meditating. Meant to accomplish much, instead scanned in four photos, cleaned up the kitchen, and made myself breakfast. I can’t remember what else? Finally out on the bike at 12 when it was warmer. Not too many people out and fall colors peeking through. Up and around the chain of lakes…love it. As I was riding around Harriet I thought to myself “hmmm, I thought maybe Jenny would surprise me and be here this weekend. Oh well. But! Maybe she’s at Liz’s??” I then continued my ride.

Home to garden a bit and eat and clean up. Get Organized. Was waiting around for Jeff and started worrying about him, eventually I called. Phew, he was just chilling in the Grove. Set it up with Christie and we met up at Caribou for some fancy drinks and then park time with Laura! The sun had come out and Laura was delighted in the park and playing ‘store’. She is very shy and tiny and adorable (duh). Good chat with Critie and as always so nice to see her and the Bug. Thanks guys!

Home to get costumed up and head out to the MURDER MYSTERY which was a SMASHING SUCCESS if I do say so myself. AlyssaLexingtonExpress partying is BACK, bytchez! We encountered Kristin and Scott on our way there who surprised me by being all “oh hi guys!” in our weird nurse/detective outfit. Finally met up with everyone and went in to the restaurant. Ginger Hop. Everyone was in brilliant costumes and Ginger Hop was A.MAZ.ING. Seriously they were sooooooooooo freakin’ accommdating and awesome and I want to give them ALL of my business ALWAYS. Power cord, private room, etc. AWESOME. We are all seating ourselves and then from around the corner who should come but…

JENNY and HAKAN!!!!!!

…I was of course totally blown away but ALSO kind of like “OK YAY great you’re here!!” and so I may have failed to muster up an appropriate reaction. Sorry but REALLY I WAS way way way surprised and happy!!!!!!! My two JJs sneaking it up. Even my roommates knew of the surprise and did not spill. SO COOL. They flew all the way up just for the bday. I am totally totally spoiled!! They were with Liz and Alex just as I had briefly suspected. HA HA HA. Sister-minds. Jenny had the COOLEST costume and Hakan was cute in his chef hat. So. YES! Best bday surprise ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, we got on with it. Dinner, drinks, and game began in earnest. Jeff and Scott had the most amusing accents and really got into it (Jeff with his mustache-art, too), which was hilarious! Fancy drinks w/ St. Germain/yellow curry/key lime pie + goodness all around. Everyone was a great sport and we told some epic Apt 3/TT stories too. Diana showed up at the end which was super and I guessed the killer correctly (Alyssa did too – before the game even BEGAN haha!! poor Scotty). I give a lot of credit to Jenny and Hakan for hanging with my crazy friends without batting an eye, awwww. Um, AND for traveling ALL THE WAY UP to see me/visit. YAY!!! Sneaky Jeff…nice work!

ANYway…stayed for a drink with Misty and her man at GH again, then home…then bed!

Sunday we slept in which was awesome. Jeff got up and got going to see his Gma for her bday, and Jenny and Hakan and I went to brunch. Turtle! Chocolate french toast and good chats about homebuying! Lots of fun and a sunny nice day. Home then to MOA to see Desigual and talk about Turkey. ALSO where Jenny purchased boots. I know this is wacky but I kind of love being at MOA sometimes. What can I say. Anyway. We then drove up the U to partake in open swim and diving which was EPIC and wonderful. Went off 1m, then 3m, then 5m!!! They won’t let you go higher but 5m was freaky/cool enough! Lots of crazy boys diving. Jenny showed them up with a super pike 1 1/2. HAH.

We swam for awhile then after diving closed and Hakan and I raced. WHEW. GREAT workout! It was really fun to be at the Nat with them! We finally got home and showered and made chicken and veggies and rice (= standard Jenny dinner). Suuuuuuper yummy and we all four chatted it up. Out for ice cream (“we’re on vacation!”) at Pumphouse. LOVE. Burnt butterscotch and samples all around. Home and Jeff went to bed, we tried to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding since it keep coming up WRT Jenny and Hakan’s wedding. Fun but we fell asleep. To bed!

Monday I was/Jeff was smart enough to have me take the day off! We slept in again, Jeff got up and went to work. I made us all smoothies and Jenny made eggs. Ate and got ready for the day. Off to Caribou for tea and for Hakan’s second breakfast. We drove to Lake Harriet and walked around it for an hour or so…admired the pavilion, looked at bricks, enjoyed the SUN! Such a nice walk and day!! Running out of time so hit up Turtle again for delightful soup. Perfect and ate it outside. Chicago vs. Mpls. Wedding planning. Etc. Then J and H had to head out to the airport…awwwww. I said goodbye and sniffled. Went in and said hi to Gary (our new fish) and got ready for a bike ride…

…and INSTEAD went on a FIVE MILE RUN. !!! I know, I couldn’t believe it myself. (Tom, 2000: “Oh my God, if I hadn’t just seen that…”) To around and back from beloved Nokomis. I just got it in my head, got started, and my desperate desire and total DETERMINATION to RUN RUN RUN took over and I made it all five miles. OH YES I DID. NO knee pain. OMG. I think stretching and resting are super-key. Anyway. The weather was perfect – gray and cool and warm and windy and wonderful all at once. I stopped at one point just to take in the lake and the trees and the steel and blue sky and clouds and just thought “hey. wow. This is almost exactly where I could have ever hoped to be at 30.” In The Moment. Kismet and Fate. 2011.

Home and serious stretching and some cooking/meal prepping…Target for boots…then a bath and reading. Blissful lavender bath (thanks Jenny Jane!) while drinking beer and reading my book. Love love love. Then Jeff was home and I baked and made us apple pasta which we ate while drinking wine and watching The Office.

Epic celebrating and wonderful weekend.

This morning was also delightful as has this day been (that made no sense). Lots of wonderful greetings, TWO free drinks (sparkly tea and then COLD PRESS aw yeah baby, with Kara). Jeff and I danced around this morning to Peaches (ha!) and he listed all the ways 30 would make me old. My mom and dad called when I was born and I had strawberry oatmeal. Then to work, Getting Things Done, welcomed to 30, and a gossipy Grey’s lunch. Now – ?

Also, it’s raining. The last time I remember rain on my birthday was 18/1999. And that was a pretty dang great day!

WHEW! OK that was enough for now! HBD Google, Rich and Kelly too.

—

Yep. Feeling fantastic. This IS the part I was born to play.

Life…I have it good! It’s a wonderful lifetime to be alive!

More later.

“You have no chance.”

—Jeff Akervik, 9/17/11, after the exchange with Barb + Steve about putting the cake on a new plate, general bad ideas and general clumsiness…genetics!

fall what’s up!!! Epic evening plans: groc shop at Target (yes they are evil, yes I still love them aaah!), then solo slumber party with myself (duh) which will consist of reading my book!, watching Grey’s and/or Nightmare Before Christmas (too early? nah?), eating candy/drinking St. Germain and/or cider, cleaning the bathtub (yeah I know), and my second night ever in this house without Jeff as he is having his own slumber party w/ Erik. WOOOOOO! / oooooh. I shall miss him. Alas. Better Brothers!

Epic weekend plans: drawing, Taking Care of Business (yep, I’m kicking so much ass this fall…call me if you need something, seriously), biking, farmer’s market?, Christie?, PARTYING WITH ALYSSA + Co., swimming!, laundry and gardening, COOKING (vegan Indian cooking mostly…yep), reading my book book book which I lovelovelove, coffee drinking, running??, FALL!

The past day has been terrific as well. Got in an amazing workout yesterday (= endorphin addiction/LOVE), lovely going away party, fun hangout night w/ Jeff, accidental costumed dance party evening (um, blame murder mystery party), solving CODE and kicking ASS, lots of general happiness and excitement. Fall! Love!

Happy Friday everyone!!

…and I already have a bunch of stuff from when I was (almost) 18 up here, and this is a WEBSITEALLABOUTMEOMG…and because Uba/Jared put it together and sent it to me and I’m about to send this to Angela Marion…

1999 bday wishes! (YouTube vid link)

Happy Thurs!

“Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point – that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative – self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it’s a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.”

—Jennifer James

“But then what is the point of my epic journey?”

—Jenny, 2008

“I’m so tired of feeling so jealous, so tired of feeling sorry for myself, so tired of feeling so bad, and then I feel bad for feeling this way, I hate myself for feeling this way, because it’s dumb and unnecessary and I have it good, you know?” // “Don’t be hard on yourself for what you feel. Feel what you feel. It’s OK. You’re only human. This has been such an up and down year.”

—

14 years ago at this time I was … worrying about passing my road test and dating a random hockey player.

13 years ago at this time I was … prowling around playgrounds, plotting Hallow-/Sevent- een partying, making new friends

12 years ago at this time I was … in leaves, at pickup football games, reconciling, polling, keeping new-old friends

11 years ago at this time I was … Sad, Sad, Sadly trawling around the U of MN campus alone

10 years ago at this time I was … smashing cups out the window and worrying about War

9 years ago at this time I was … getting mad at a newly-encountered, arrogant, late-to-class, hat-wearing hockey player in my GD cohort

8 years ago at this time I was … struggling struggling struggling with feelings I felt were misplaced – but which turned out to be Exactly Right All Along

—

It’s good to have a husband who reminds you that it’s OK to feel what you feel, to lean into it, accept it, and then, it more quickly might dissipate. It’s good to have someone who will jump across the table of a random Noodles to put her arm around you to soothe when you suddenly start to cry. It’s good to have friends who will hold optimism for you, even when you can’t.

Thank you Best Roommates Ever for a wonderful wonderful night at Broders last night. Decadent and deserved. Thank you Diana for being excited about not just 30s, but 40s. Thank you Jeff for being the healthy, happy, strong and supportive love of my life.

—

ETA – Things to look forward to…to keep me sane/happy:
-soup with Diana tonight!
-new TV coming back at ya tmw/Fri! (Modern Family/Greys…yep yep really and truly I am excited about this
-reading a great new book! Serious Fiction, get at me
-making up a pot of hot coffee this Saturday and reading while caffeinating
-getting back at cleaning the basement…get at it
-good weather this weekend / picking hydrangeas
-apple orchard?
-Drawing Club w/ special extra-credit assignment
-Target lunch shopping tomorrow…for MM
-MM party Saturday…GINGER HOP/AlyssaLexi party!
-Taking Monday off… to chill/bake/be outside…? Who’s with me?
-grillout soon?
-SF in Nov?? Or Feb?
-starting to plot Jenny’s wedding again, incl. invites…
-cleaning the tub and getting better house insurance! OK I am not really excited about this BUT it Must Be Done
-more bike riding…more running tests!
-trying new recipes…hmmm what to try?

—

Happy 30th to Melissa, Ben, Angela M and me this week, and happy 31st to Kelly, other Melissa, and Rich!

“I didn’t like you because you were late to class.” -me, re: the first time we met in 2002 “Well, you should have known what you were in for!” -Jeff, re: his constant lateness

—9/20/11

“I swear you hit me like a vision / I, I, I wasn’t expecting / But who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go? // Oh, this is how it starts / lightning strikes the heart / it goes off like a gun / brighter than the sun”

—Colbie Caillat?

“As far as I can tell / it doesn’t matter who you are / if you can believe there’s something worth fighting for”

—Garbage, Parade…NOTE if you are interested in any political ranting from me, I suggest Twitter…SECOND NOTE as if they knew I turned 30 this month, Garbage is putting out a new song this month…NBD!

“And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not.”

—William Shakespeare

time afternoon feeling happy but sort of battling little brain demons wearing sweet tan dress! music American Beauty ready for feeling grateful next weekly update

Last Tuesday of being 29…NBD.

Today was another TERRIFIC TUESDAY. We’re on tap for at least 3 more this year, too. WOO!

Anyway. So I never updated about my previous Great Weekend and may fail to do so again here. SO, I’m just going to see what I can sum up here in a few minutes. My mom and dad came to visit (a weekend with Barb + Steve!) and it was a pretty delightful weekend if I do say so myself. We celebrated my bday 10 days prematurely and it was lovely. They arrived Friday and Jeff brought them DT for the Twins game. Chilly Twins! Terrible losing Twins! Great skyline view though. We stopped at Cuzzy’s for some food and beer before which was probably the Second Highlight of Steve’s Weekend (the first being, of course, golf, after 3 weeks away due to Turkey); he just LOVES those dive bars! I just knew it’d be a place he would like (as did Jeff). So that was great. Twins + chilliness, hot cocoa/walking around/shopping after 5th inning to warm up, stand to watch game in concourse, then home.

Saturday…slept in. (I slept IN in in both Sat + Sun which I’ve gotten out of the habit of doing and it was loooooovely.) Steve golfs, Jeff mows/works out. My mom and I eventually got it together and went BIRTHDAY and fun shopping, including getting my bike allllll hopped up on COOLNESS (rack! pannier! awesome new light! etc.!), REI (yellow vest!) and MOA which was nuts but fun. Finally home where the boys were watching football so we did kind of as well. Eventually tried to go out to dinner at 5-8 club, failed AGAIN so instead Fat Lorenzo’s which was fun. Lots of cute little girls in weird clothing ha ha. POP and pizza. Good times. Home for cake and presents. GREAT presents! (one of which I was wearing!), including ST. GERMAIN. Great find…great stuff!

Sunday, at-home brunch and a bit of a fight (not with Barb though, I applaud myself!). All was OK though. Side note – having a dishwasher makes having guests MUCH more enjoyable! EVERYONE should consider a dishwasher. Mom and Dad leave. I am weirdly sad. Madison in Oct.? It is rainy and gray and chilly. I fuss around the house and eventually leave to run errands. COSTUME SHOPPING! Almost completely successful. PIEOW! Home and made a bunch of food. Busy busy busy. Keeping busy. Still failing to read. I have a new book though so that should help. + Bloomberg Businessweek. Ate dinner (?) and beets and stayed up WAY too late making cards…but fun. GTD 4evah, right??

Monday I then biked to work then doctor then home to make as much use of my new bike things as possible. In love!!! Also to avoid paying for parking…yes I am cheap. Today then was a great day, more good news all around. Jeff and I were total goofs this morning and I enjoyed getting to spend extra time with him … as always! Tonight = ROOMMATE REUNION night where we are having dinner at Broders/I am busing (transportation not tables). Saturday = murder mystery where I will be a nurse. Yes you read that right. Yes I am still 16. Yes I am almost 30. YES.

Here I was going to write a bit about my little brain demons but this is waytoolong already. So far I’ve concluded that to beat back these demons, I need to do a lot more SERIOUS READING (ie fiction that I feel ‘good’ about), drawing, and just make some kind of accomplishments personally. THAT would be good. DISTRACTIONS! Also beer. I’m kidding. No I’m not.

Just…feeling good about myself and what I do have…would help. Any other suggestions welcome.

Here I was also going to write about American Beauty and Fall 2000 and how Sad, Sad, Sad I was then. But…another day. Waytoolong!

In the meantime…I am very very very grateful for Jeff and for being alive!

Happy fall!!!

“The world is not enough / but it is such a perfect place to start …my love / And if you’re strong enough / together we can take the world apart …my love”

—Garbage

The days I feel best…

…are days when I don’t hold myself to some bizarre standard to which I do not hold _anyone_ else.

Happy 30th to Alyssa!!!

“Don’t sleep / you know that would be weak”

—Aaliyah, holla 1998!

“Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet / the editor whose work is never done / keeping pretty words between my teeth and / sweet confessions underneath my tongue”

—Sarah Slean …reminders of 2004?

time 12:41 pm feeling glad and sad! wearing cool arty outfit, for the workplace, anyway music Aaliyah! ready for a weekend with nothing to do next I should eat something (seems a common theme)

NOTES:

1. I am pretty much listening to this Aaliyah song “Are You That Somebody?” over and over nonstop today. This infuriates Jeff, BTW.

2. I’m going to be 30 soon! No big plans. I would like a grillout though! Although it is quite cold!

3. Pretty sure I’m just going to retire from gymnastics and/or running. Sad day. Tests to come.

—

(Not-so?) Random Memory:
The summer after we graduated (I think? or was it 2005?), Sarah was all set to move to Chicago. In fact, I even went down there with her one weekend in July to meet up with her future roommates and find them an apartment/aka party a lot (haha). She had stored some stuff in the storage room at Apt 3 for some reason and the day finally arrived that she was going to Move Out Of And Away From MN. So she came to the apartment and we started moving things out of the storage room and into her sedan, armful by armful.

All summer I’d just been in denial that anything was going to change and that she was going to leave me. The last time she’d left, for Italy for a semester, I’d definitely been lost, but somehow that led to Jeff, so…? And she had returned…duh. College to finish and all. But this move was for good.

(NOTE 2: I am such a loser that I might cry typing this, ha ha.)

And so out of my denial I came as we loaded up her car. This was it—this girl I’d locked eyes with in Color on Day 1 of college, somehow instinctively knew I could trust, and then kept as my dear dear friend for years was leaving. Sure, we’d stay friends, but despite dreaming it’s hard for it to stay the same.

So that wasn’t a great Random Memory, but still. It was a sad day. I will always wish she still lived in MN!

The End.