lxforever

“ENTJs are engaged with the world around them, and want to make sense of it. They have a clear sense of order and want to organize people and processes to progress in a logical manner. When there are flaws in a system, the ENTJ sees them, and enjoys the process of discovering and implementing a better way.

– 2% of the general population
– 3% of men
– 1% of women”

—Source

Geez. I am always always always 100% an ENTJ, but I did not realize how rare that was.

Now…back to OLYMPICS!!!!!

“And where does this love go? … This love must still exist somewhere, transmuting into more love and better love and love for people who haven’t yet felt it. It must be there, because you still remember it.”

—Chelsea Fagan, from earlier

OMGGGGGGG so I tested out the whole live-streaming thing on computer/iPad today via NBCOlympics and OMFG this shall be the BEST OLYMPICS EVERRRRRR…!!! Cannot! believe! how amazing technology is. I guess when it only happens once every four years (because let’s face it, the Winter Olys just aren’t the same to me, sorry), technology goes through a lot of changes. Twitter/Facebook photos/LIVE updates from coaches and athletes and media, CONSTANTLY! And now…LIVE STREAMING from London. LIVE! Sunday/Tuesday morning…we shall be FRIENDS indeed. Get at me.

Another note: for some reason being a gymnastics fan when you are 26 (2008), or 22 (2004), or 18 (duh), seems a whole lot more OK than being one at…30. Esp. when the team is the Youngest Ever (I mean, it seems so, anyway). When I was 18/22, I was their peer, sort of. When I was 26, still close enough. Now…geez. They seem so young, so much younger (well, b/c they are, but still. Duh. Whatever.). Yet I cannot help my fandom…yes!!!

Anyway. I have not been sleeping well. Stuff is going on. Things happen. It can suck. But that’s life. As we all know by now. Also Madeleine is leaving my parks class to move on to bigger/better things—which I’ve been waiting/hoping for, I want to see her continue and be an amazing little gymnast somewhere ‘real’—but it makes me a little sad, too. My first favorite at that park. All grown up. Awwwww.

For some reason what has come to mind a lot this week is my first pre-level-9 summer (1998…yes I know, sorry). It was exciting but stressful. I didn’t realize what I was in for. (I’m pretty sure this is also when we took ballet as a team…ha. Anyway.) Not nearly as rough as summer ’96, first pre-Optional summer, but still. Lots to learn as always.

One of the Big Things we needed to get was a C skill on bars. This was a horrible proposition. Nothing seemed doable. I could probably have pulled out a blind, but to what? Plus I don’t think Tom trusted me to keep that skill (I don’t blame him), ha ha ha. Anyway. Somehow we settled on me trying to get this WEIRD random release skill that we called a ‘rear vault’ (such a beautiful name, no? heh).

NOTE: I HAVE NEVER seen anyone do this skill I don’t think. I still have NO IDEA why we did this. I think it’s because I had really good uprises and a strong pull (but was stymied about uprise handstand…hmmmm). Whatever. Anyway basically you do a regular uprise, but on the way up, twist your body so as you get to the top of the bar, you’re in a pike, legs parallel to the bar. At the very top, you LET GO of the bar (AGAIN…WHY were we doing this with ME I will never know. But I trusted Tom, hahaha), propelling your piked body OVER THE TOP of the bar (AGAIN…??!), turning around, and regrasping the bar in a hang on the other side.

So OK. If I could actually have DONE this, this would have been an EXTREMELY COOL trick, and it would have worked into my routine effortlessly. Instead…of course I could not do this. And yet tried, day after day, week after week, allllllll summer long. Somehow, we thought if we hit on the exact right method, we would make it work. Tom had faith (why I do not know, bless his heart) and I thought it was cool that he thought I could do that (LOL). Somehow, even though evidence was quickly mounting to the contrary, we felt this was possible, if only we could find the right balance. I tried it in the belt, launched over with ropes, but never caught it; I tried drills with a trampoline over the low bar, jumping over the BEAM even, etc. All sorts of ways to Make This Work.

Finally, one day, as summer wore on, Tom was like, listen, you need to actually CATCH one (still in the belt BTW) if this is going to happen. And so. With my giant uprise swing, I went for it. Flying over the bar, caught up in ropes, trying to ACTUALLY CATCH THE BAR. And it was a total TOTAL fail, LOL. Tom COULD NOT STOP laughing at me (note: we did a lot of laughing AT people in that gym, hahahaha…which was part of the fun). It was disastrous (but safely, I was in the pit, so…).

After trying all these different approaches, seeking a way to make this work for me, putting in an effort that shouldn’t probably have gone on so long…we finally realized it was fruitless. What fun we had trying, but this wasn’t the right choice. You can only do the same thing with the same not-great results for so long before realizing that you’re not actually capable of it, and choosing to move on.

The next day we pulled out the COP and I pored over all the bar Cs, finally settling on my COP-out C, that silly overunder from handstand (whatever, it got me .6), and got right to it. It was time to admit that the rear vault just wasn’t going to happen, at least not then, and go on to something that would work for the near future. Maybe we’d get back to those rear vaults (note: we never did, but Stephanie B did a similar skill the next year, which was badass), but for now we’d exhausted the possibilities, and at least had a few laughs.

Man, I loved all of that stuff. It was fun.

SO. Happy OLYMPICS all, and happy belated birthday to my Grandma, with whom I got to speak yesterday, and happy bday today to DOPS and Cathy G.

“I want to hurry home to you / put on a slow dumb show for you / crack you up”

—The National

So I am pretty damn disappointed by the NCAA’s decision on Penn State. Not nearly enough. I can’t imagine them playing at all next year, let alone here (do they play here? I don’t know). Gross. In conclusion, I am declaring the “Death Penalty” dead, for why even bother if you won’t use it for this? Every time I bike by the Penn State flag in the row of 11 (and hey, where’s Nebraska? ha) along University on my way home from swimming, I want it to go away. Ugh.

And Colorado…tough times, man. Tough, tough, tough. And it’s so hard for people to get mental health care. I don’t know what would make it easier, honestly, but it’s true. But whatever. Heartbreaking.

(And I was about to quote my new song of obsession here, which is Sia/Guetta’s “Titanium”, for a completely different reason, but realize in the context of the shootings that’s just so wrong. So. No. But there you have it.)

BUT! I just had probably one of THE most perfect weekends EVER, the OLYMPICS are coming up, and I have a 6-year-old niece! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ANNA! I can’t wait to see her (& Mason & Stephie, etc.) so soon! I can’t believe she’s my niece sometimes. She is pretty darn terrific.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
-dinner w/ Kelly tonight at Turtle oh yeah!
-Macarena is back at yoga on Saturday BOOM
-OLYMPICS BEGIN!!! Team prelims Sunday AM, finals Tuesday…pretty sure I should just take Tuesday off no?? Watch live then pool then Matty’s party? We’ll see!
-OLYMPICS!! Yes this deserved another entry ha ha.
-learning some new tricks again (as always)…I do like this technical exploration indeed
-then to Madison to hang out with cuties!!! YAY!
-then STATE FAIR upcoming very soon…oh yeah! I am always so excited to Hang Out with Jeff at the FAIR
-Then September…we have not one but TWO amazing concerts to attend…!!! Orchestra video games(?) and Caspian. OH MY!
-Then it’s October which is fun for Halloween reasons, plus I hope we get to go to the North Shore or something too, then it’s November/Dec which Jeff loves, I guess I do too, we’ll see
-Then it’s 2013. OK then.

And now, since it was so grand, this past weekend is deserving of an EOTW. NOTE: I did NOT attend my family get-together/Grandma’s bday celebration in WI on Saturday. We had one car at our disposal and I did not want to leave Jeff carless, ALSO I have been to 4/4 of the past family events/have been traveling + leaving Jeff/home a lot lately and was not up for it. I understand it was quite the wonderful event, as expected, BUT I will be in WI shortly to see Stephie et al and ideally Gma as well. SO esp. due to this amazing weekend I feel this was the Right Choice by far. Woo hoo!

Moving on…
EOTW 7/20-7/22:
Friday I finished up work by filling out some ridiculous quiz for Ross. Poor Ross! He knows though I’d do anything to help him out, even from a state/years away. Partners in crime, we were, for awhile! Then off to grocery shop in the Roseville area. Weird/cool. I love Minneapolis but I do like my old ‘hood. Anyway. Picked Jeff up at work and home we went. Stopped for some beer and I saw a wine named Stella so I texted Jackie to say HBD Stella…awww. Home. Put away the groceries together, then I cooked us up a GIANT batch of shrimp fried rice (using ELR’s ‘veggie fried rice’ as the idea/starter…thanks ELR, you are annoyingly religious now : ( but still have good recipes!), grabbed us each a beer, and settled in to watch The Wire series finale. Finally. Wow. What a show. I don’t think I realized how much I liked it/characters until we finished it and watched the season ‘reels’. The food was perfect (we also had s’mores) and plentiful, the beer was cold, and life was grand. A basically perfect evening to start our weekend off right! Yes!

So then I dreamt about The Wire/cops. Ha.

Saturday we woke up to a surprise thunderstorm. Lovely!! Then just quiet lovely rain. We opened the window and laid there listening to the rain and dozing. Perfect. Finally got up and got going into the drizzle off to the FARMERS MARKET! Jeff’s colleagues had come back to the office on Thursday with $1/pint blueberries and Jeff was suddenly enchanted with the idea of the Market. I had been wanting to go there with him for ages anyway so this was an exciting development. Thank You Coworkers!

The Market was surprisingly uncrowded, perhaps due to the rain, but we were sheltered by the red roofs. We wandered around and got honey sticks and $11 worth of amazing produce – berries, potatoes, squash, peppers, etc. Filled up the bag! We spied the mayor and I was skeptical. Hmmmmmm. I blame The Wire. It was the 75th anniversary too. Anyway. Back home to drop off the goods, then off to yoga! We were trying the 12pm at Edina again since ‘Emmy’ was subbing for Macarena (boo). 12pm = FAIL, Despie was NOT GOOD (except Jeff did a great headstand and learned side crow) and now is taking over PERMANENTLY for Nikki…BOOOOOOO! We will never return. Oh well. Still mostly fun. Shower and then it was sunny again. Back to the house where Jeff mowed and I made egg salad (addicted) and cleaned up. Olympic Coke and egg salad. Good stuff.

Finally hurried Jeff into the shower as we had a MOVIE DATE to make, and that we did! DARK KNIGHT RISES at West End was in our future. This theater at West End was impressive indeed, courteous staff, reserved seating, etc. We will return! The movie was fantastic. Slow in places and a little weird, but still enjoyable. Nothing can top the Joker though. But! Still. Highly recommended. The TRILOGY!!!

We walked around West End looking for dinner and wound up going BACK to Roseville (yes I know…) to Ol’ Mex. It was pretty sleazy but pretty fun anyway, of course. Giant margarita oh my! Then home to read gymnastics gossip/play videogames…story of our lives lately! Great, great! Passed out. A pretty much PERFECT day in EVERY way. Yes!

I then dreamt I was on the Olympic team. It was, in a word, AMAZING. I seriously thought I was on the team w/ the current girls. This my friends is my secret dream that shall NEVER come true. Anyway.

Sunday Sunday. Woke up early and hungry…gross. Ate something then went back to bed for TWO more hours oh yeah! Delightful. That is when the Olympic dream occurred I believe. Hung out doing Important Things for awhile, then Jeff went to the gym. I emailed Ross’s contest lady to say I “didn’t understand the rules” ha ha (blame the designers “YEAH!” -Ross). Had an amazing lunch/breakfast of yogurt drink (Siggi’s!), omelette with Market tomatoes/cheese, english muffin and berries. Out on the patio with Bloomberg Businessweek. Yes yes, quite nice!

Packed up, got the bike ready, and rode up to the U. 10 mi. Swimming! TERRIBLE discovery (just like the Nikki-yoga discovery) that public lap swim is CLOSED until September. W. T. F. WTF?!?!?! I need to find out WHY. Grrrr. Nevertheless it made me very happy to have come to the UMN to swim that day. Got in a good strong 1600m then jumped off the 5m platform for good measure…will that ever not be scary? Haha. Love swimming. So meditative. I even had a lane to myself for a little bit.

Biked back home. HOT! Did some chores and had a snack (chocolate COKE!) and FINALLY showered. Then more kitchen work/cookingfest!!! I <3 it! Finally dished up BBQ chicken pasta (again w/ ELR, my new fave meal) and salads and watch Awkward./then Gabby on Rock Center. Love! I did some crafts and cleanup and then we went to bed despite my Coke-buzziness. A weekend of Hanging Out. A weekend of hedonism. A weekend of perfection!!!

“Jenny
hi!
9:47 AM
Alexis
hi!
9:47 AM
Jenny
guess what the best part about working from home is
mid morning ice cream snack
9:47 AM
Alexis
LOL!!!!!!!
ahahahahahaaaaa
that sounds quite amazing
what kind?
LOL
9:48 AM
Jenny
trader joe’s, peanut butter and caramel stuff
9:49 AM
Alexis
oooh yummy
9:49 AM
Jenny
and i added more peanut butter and pecans
9:49 AM
Alexis
LOL!!!!
omg
amazing
god I am laughing at this
9:51 AM
Jenny
this is what happens when there is not any candy in the house
i want candy so i have to eat ice cream to get the candy pieces
Alexis
omg this conversation
but it’s true
but still, LAUGHING AT THIS
I wish I were at home too so I could truly LOL
9:52 AM
Jenny
haha
and eat some ice cream perhaps? ;)”

—gchat 7/13/12

“And where does this love go? Because it’s impossible to believe that it simply ceases to be a part of our universe, that it falls into some pinprick-sized black hole and no longer floats amongst us, making the world brighter for its once having existed. Things are better because you caught fireflies in your back yard, because you kissed under a blanket with your hands on their chest, because you drove around in circles in your parents’ car, blasting music. This love must still exist somewhere, transmuting into more love and better love and love for people who haven’t yet felt it. It must be there, because you still remember it.”

—Some annoying writer girl, but I still liked this thought

“Basically, she suggests, this is because people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now.”

NYTimes article mentioned below, and what this whole thing is about

(Title from Will Smith…no, seriously. Sorry.)

OK.

So you should read this article (HT Melissa Z) before you bother to read the rest of this. Aaaaand I guess I don’t know that I have a whole lot to say about it other than it’s a really good article and it makes me really grateful for the “frieeeeeeendsss!” I do have from days of yore.

Some more observations:
-no wonder it’s hard to make friends later in life. I guess it’s good I have no intention of leaving MN, ha.
-I am all for ‘curation’, and that is OK, maybe even good. Trust yo’self.
-there may be reasons why it was fairly easy to re-pick-it-up w/ the couple of HS friends w/ whom I reconnected last year…
-…although clearly lack of geographic proximity is a problem. Dangit.
-…but still. That’s OK.
-The work friends deal is really interesting. I still have some dear HITF friends but it’s just hard to keep it up. And I do have friends at my current job, including a pretty new friend who I hope to keep, even if one of us were to leave. I guess she’s like a sign of making-friends-later-in-life being possible, or whatever, but the work-stuff makes me curious. Hmmmmm.
-I love my friends! And that is that. Friends.

Moving along. I looked through USAG’s photo gallery of Oly training at the ranch and wow it looks lonely. I mean, the girls seem really happy together, but when they show just the 8 of them in that gym, alone, with like one coach per athlete…whoa dude. Lonely At The Top for SURE. Still. Exciting.

This weekend was fantastic. Trying to figure out what to do this weekend…I should go to WI Saturday but there are a lot of complicating factors. I kind of just want to stick around here but have no big/good reason to…other than just Hanging Out which I suppose is reason enough. Hmmmmmmmm. I did just see everyone so…whatever. I am also going back there in a couple weeks and am tiring of travel. Yes lazy I know.

Anyway, THIS PAST weekend consisted of: DATE NIGHT at Annie’s Friday! SURPRISE date night, in fact! along with a walk around UMN East Bank/exploration of Coffman, then late-night grocery shoppin’/Awkward.-watchin’; SUPER catchup/cleanup Saturday AM which was sorely needed, just doing random annoying things to make the house/life better (boring, but I was actually really excited about this, ha); yoga with instructor TIM (new!!) Saturday, just 4 of us in the class, Jeff did headstands, I did a new inversion or whatever, Figure-4 based, yeah!! thanks Tim!!! old man!; egg salad and smoothies (duh); gift-shopping for a certain almost-6-year-old and almost-87-year-old and someone else; getting ready/cutting my own bangs (FAIL/STUPID, I need to stop this immediately, gah); then OUT with Kristin which consisted of sparkly skirts, dining at the AMAAAAAAAAZING Sapor (I seriously want to go back this weekend w/ Jeff, ha) full of lovely patient service + stunningly well-thought-out food + FANTASTIC cocktails (Lady Di…still smelling that amazingness!!…and Parisenne Roux for Bastille Day) and then traipsing around various DT bars (it was kind of wild out there), including NV where K bought me this AMAZING sparkly hairthing(!!!!! and herself too, from a bachelorette party – yes weird), I met Jose the migrant worker, Josef the 21-year-old graphic design student (awkward…) and then the Moundsview grad. Weirdddd/funny. I loved that sparkly hairthing!! I wish it stayed lit up forever… awwww. But such a fun night!; then recovery/biking-swimming-biking (poor choice), + finishing Hunger Games and then cooking Sunday. Good times.

I am also still laughing at that IM convo w/ JJ. Heh.

All right. Time to go to the Post Office. Happy MIDSUMMER (45 days since June 1, 45 days til August 31, WHOA).

IF you are almost 31, and you are making grilled cheese for yourself and your husband at 2am after having been out with your dear friend meeting randos ‘Jose’ and ‘Josef’, and just took a shower because you are wacky…

…we could be friends.

Met yet another member of the Moundsview Class of ’02 tonight. My fake adopted MN HS!

Also for the first time in my life was bought a drink by a male other than a husband/boyfriend/coworker. Jose the migrant (from “where?” in Iowa…Clear Lake, FYI) worker. “Migrant workers/bachelorettes!!” Seeing as I am almost 31/married, this will also probably be the last time this happens.

I also wore this cool sparkly lightup thing in my hair. YEAH!!!

Happy Bastille Day!

“And the world at night / could see the greatest light / too much light to deny / July, July / the man I love and / will lift our heads together / July, July / I’ve seen the greatest light / too much light to deny”

—The Innocence Mission

“I’d like to be a marshmallow artist” (taking off of her aunt Jessy’s goal of being a ‘marker artist’ from years ago) / “No! I can’t work in a Chinese restaurant because they will speak Spanish!! And then I won’t know what they’re ordering and I will get FIRED!!!”

—Samantha, 7/8/12

“Mommy laughs sometimes when Daddy takes off his pants.” -Matt C. / “Matt!” -Steph C-C / “What you guys think is funny, I don’t think is funny.” -Samantha

—more 7/8/12

“Poor cherry. He was just growing on a tree, then he was picked, put in the freezing cold in a plastic bag, then put on the fire to die.”

—Hakan, 7/8/12…sounds like a great children’s book idea to me (better than the later ‘book’ we all ‘wrote’/spoke on the dock as a take off of 50 Shades, ha ha!)

“Well I didn’t put those worms there.”

—Steve Mason, 7/8/12…well then who with the bucket of worms managed to strew them all over the cabin?! haha

“FIRE SKY BAR CHUCKLE SKY BUNNY BAR SKY CHARMER SKY DIAMOND DOLL SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY SKY”

—@Horse_ebooks

“Be at peace.”

—Jeff, 7/11/12, wearing peace-shaped sunglasses…oh dear

“Don’t ever look back / don’t ever look back”

—Katy Perry, Teenage Dream

OMFG!

9 days without an update!!

What is this, 2006?!

JK. I’ve been busy…enjoying July. July! The BEST.

Today is a day of birthdays. Today is the anniversary of the Birth Day of: my dear cousin MIKE; my old friend HEIDI; one of my favorite little gymnasts from parks CHLOE; and apparently World Champion gymnast/OLYMPIAN Jordyn Wieber. So there you go. May they all have glorious days and years ahead.

Did you need to understand the Eurozone crisis?

I rode my bike to work. One, because we are a one-car family this week and Jeff and I both have separate EVENING PLANS. Two, because I like my bike. Three, because it is very gorgeous and amazing to bike alongside the Mighty Mississippi in the glorious sun. GOD this is the PLACE TO LIVE, people!

(Except I have only irrational burning anger for those fake XC skiers with poles who insist on existing. C’mon people, save it for the snow. Whatever. ALSO I have nothing but hate for the pedestrians who INSIST on not using the FOOT path and instead use the BIKE path. You b*tches!!! Grrrr.)

rant over.

manic update style over.

OK no it’s not. Ha!

I know I talked about Trials/the Oly team, but the more I think about it, the more I worry about the beam lineup and just meltdowns in general. Gah. Whatever. I guess we shall see in just 17 days, eh? Diana and I discussed this last night at tea. Among other things (mostly the uselessness of certain people in the workforce).

Jenny’s wedding pics came in and they are amazing!!! Seriously the best wedding photos hands-down. She looks like a freakin’ MODEL and they captured the day so beautifully. LOVE! There are 1200+ photos so I hope to get through more of them later on.

I am feeling really good about July. REALLY good. Optimistic and happy for maybe the first time in awhile here. It’s quite amazing. Most of this is thanks to Jeff (duh). Somehow some of it is thanks to Andrea (random but true). Some of it is thanks to a great few calming lovely days up north, yeah! And being with/chatting with Jenny! And a lot of it is thanks to SUMMER/July. Of course I have a hard time trusting this, but what can you do? Might as well take what you can while it lasts.

However. There are a few friends in my life who are struggling. It’s all very different situations, but more or less it stems from some form of heartbreak or another. So. I’d like to see the latter half of 2012 turn around in their favor. You hear that Universe?! *shakes my fist, again*

(All this fist-shaking is accomplishing hardly a thing. But. Might as well try…)

This is a very long update and it’s only half over. Well, that’s what you get. Hold on tight!

Up north was great. I love it and I love our lake friends and my family. I had a lot of fun w/ Jenny/Hakan. It’s really fun to have a legitimate ‘younger’ brother/new brother-in-law. I mostly made fun of him/vv and that was fun. Ha! It was perfectly relaxing and swell to just do whatever, whenever. Oh Yeah. Also my Dad and I finished up our logo. I should send that to him soon. He’s way into it.

Before I left for up north, I had brunch with Andrea, at the Day By Day Cafe. It was the PERFECT way to start off vacation. (By the way, Day By Day Cafe was a genius find [IM-not-so-HO, haha]. It was pretty sweet. I may have to return, even though it’s in St. Paul. Anyway.) She was in town visiting her brother/sister-in-law. However I don’t think she was moved to move here. Drat. Alas. Anyway, it was quite a fantastic meetup. I don’t know what it is, but some people just have a knack for saying/understanding/knowing the RIGHT things at the right time. I don’t know that this was the intention, but the entire conversation gave me a lot of hope and optimism about The Future again. OK obviously I have thought about this too much, especially as I am still ruminating on it DAYS LATER, but, by that same token, it was also clearly meaningful. So CHEERS TO THAT. I feel lucky, lucky, lucky.

I also had a near-perfect Fourth of July. At some point I meant to do an update about how much I love the 4th, but, obviously, that failed. Anyway. It was a glorious day spent just Hanging Out with Jeff. And though it was a random Wednesday holiday on a hot hot hot day, it exceeded my expectations (well maybe that’s why, hmmm). Here is what happened: I awoke at 6am. The forecast was for 100+ degree day but I REALLY wanted to bike SO I got out there and got after it. Biked the lakes in the early HOTness (VERY hot already, very steamy. I love it). Lots of runners out and about (some on the footpath. I will get you!). Sun rising. Quite lovely. Returned home intending to go to 9AM yoga but turned out Jeff had stayed up Very Late. SO then the BEST part of the day happened: I went BACK to bed and slept in with him. So not only did I get an early bike ride in, but I also slept in! Amazing! Best of both worlds!

2.5 hours later (yes…), we woke up. Whoa. 11ish. We go out into the heat, water the flowers, chat w/ my neighbor who’s apologizing for swearing as I apologize for watering midday and then go to HOT yoga in a HOT day. WE ARE CRAZY. CRAZY! BUT…it was kind of awesome. The instructor’s name was Becka. She was no-nonsense and very smart. The class was crowded and crazy. But a lovely way to, um, celebrate America. OK not really. Whatever. But very fun. I showered there as I was dying, then home to make egg salad and COOL OFF! (THANK YOU AIRPORT for our AC!) Read books! Play videogames! Sit outside for awhile (me), with a lime beer! HANG OUT!!! The Best!! Oh yeah. It was really really nice to literally do NOTHING all day.

We were going to grill but it was waytoohot. Esp. for Jeff. SO we picked up dinner and enjoyed The Wire. Finally finishing up. Confused but still good. Jeff refused to watch fireworks as it was too hot/buggy. I don’t blame him. Well he would have gone if I made him but I am nice. SO I walked down there myself and watched a few beautiful fireworks, eventually left as I was burning up hot AND people were setting off very illegal, very dangerous fireworks without restraint as the police had said they wouldn’t enforce rules more or less(??! but then they did do something good for our neighborhood last weekend, so…). AND I wanted to finish my book which I did. The 2nd Hunger Games book. I blame Liz. But I was way into it.

Anyway! A wonderful 4th.

Now it’s the 12th and I better get on the snake. Adios amigasssss!!!

ETA: It is also Kristi Yamaguchi’s birthday (according to Mirai Nagasu). I mean, I’m not like a fan. But just FYI.

“Is your birthday in July?” “No…it’s in September.” “Then WHY do you have a RUBY?! That’s MY birthstone!”

—Anna Josephine, 5yo…oh of course ; )

(OK not really. The title, that is. Or maybe? But not as dry as the rest of the country, or as it was earlier, I guess.)

JULY! July. July, you are great. Let’s be friends.

THINGS THIS UPDATE WILL BE ABOUT (in no particular order):
1. Gabby/gymnastics!
2. HEAT
3. MTV’s Awkward.
4. Birthdays on July 12

HEAT: I love it. I love the heat. Jeff hates it. I’m sorry Jeff. I am soaking it up. I soaked it up literally at Richfield pool yesterday too. God I love that pool. And at hot yoga on Saturday with crazy Ka-Mei. Yoga is amazing and crazy. HEAT!

But I am very very sorry about the very scary fires and drought and terribleness in CO. Oh man.

MTV’s Awkward.: This show returned last week and Jeff and I were way too excited. Whatevs, yo. We totally forgot it was renewed! ANYWAY. The point is this. The main character, Jenna, who is 16, has a “blog”, which she assumes no one reads. (Sounds familiar?? hahaha. It gets better.) And in this episode, someone leaves a COMMENT on her blog and she FREAKS THE F OUT b/c who the HELL is actually READING this thing?! And her friends are like, well is it public? And she’s like “well yeah. It’s the Internet. It’s public.”

Which is like me. AHAHAHAHAHAHA oh dear.

GABBY/GYMNASTICS!!!!: I basically live tweeted (and texted, w/ Diana and Cole) this last night so no need to rehash, but yes, this is exactly the team I thought they would send, and I’m pretty excited about it. I am really nervous for Gabby (making it through to AA finals, that is; I am so freaking proud of this athlete it’s creepy, she’s just so funny and open and interviews so hilariously. And how can you NOT love to watch her on floor! She lights the place up, honestly!! It’s so incredible to watch her from 2011 where she was ehhhh OK to now where she has this magnetic personality that changes EVERYTHING. OK end Gabby adoration [for now]), newly lukewarm on McKayla (I mean, honestly girl, can’t you hit?? even if you can vault), and way into EB Price even though she’s only an alt. AND I hate 5-gymnasts-only (and 2394732984723 track people/swimmers, WTF!)! I wish we could take event specialists (e.g., McK, Anna Li, etc.) and THEN ALSO a team (where we would leave McK behind). Alas. It is not To Be.

Anyway. It was a really emotional Trials. I don’t even really like Becca and I felt SO bad for her, and even for Nastia (Diana has zero sympathy haha). And sad to see Alicia nail it but know it’s not enough. Alas. And then the girls came out crying aaaah! Such a young young team, youngest since 1992?!, and men’s team too. Hmmmmm. 27 days until Oly prelims, let’s stay healthy gymnasts.

BIRTHDAYS ON JULY 12: Michael. Heidi. And Chloe from my little class (not my cousin), who turns 5.

HBD wayyyyyy early, all!

“Whether it’s 2 pennies, or more, whatever, I play to WIN.”

—Steve Mason, sometime in 2010 or 2011…paraphrasing, but close to that

It’s funny that my Short List of 2012 happens to include a few of the usual suspects from my Short List of 2000.

Hmmmmmmm.

Time time time.

Anyway. I had an interesting little exchange with Andrea yesterday about this ‘blog’/whatever, and here is the point: I know a lot of people in my real life read this and that we don’t discuss its contents (or even that you read it at all – joke’s on me, there, ha ha ha, see: Kelly’s admission last week) and that is AOK. This is a weird little narcissistic web dev/writing exercise that I can’t seem to quit, and I know it’s doubly weird that it’s, like, totally public etc., but either way, READERS, whoever you are, you are NOT (probably) (A) creepy stalkers (OK from experience at least a couple are…haha…but on the whole) or (B) bad friends for not discussing/mentioning/whatever THE BLOG/its contents. In fact…it’s probably easier if we don’t. BUT! THANK YOU for reading! Obviously…I wouldn’t continue to post this nonsense publicly if I didn’t think SOMEone (like, Jeff, and Jenny, and Christie and Michael) was reading it. So. THANK YOU!

And now, the point of this post: Another thing Agassi talks about in his book (yes I know) is that HOW he played was often the most determining (? is that the right way to say that?) factor in his performance on the court. When he was playing to not lose, he played badly, and usually ended up losing. When he was playing to win, though, the opposite (duh).

I’ve been playing to not lose for a little bit here. I’d like to start trying to play to win, or at least thinking that way—thinking I’m capable of it, anyway. I don’t know if I can, but at least a little part of me is willing to try. We’ll see.

“I’m always on your side / However you must fight / within your darkest night / I’m always on your side / with evidence of trust / and eminence of love / I’m always on your side / capitulate and fade / resurrect and break / I’m always on your side / Forever in your light / I’m always on your side / Lover, light the way”

—Smashing Pumpkins via Jeff

“We can’t predict the future. We can only strive to be future friendly, while solving the problems of today.”

—@LukeW

” ‘Well I guess I’ll do another cartwheel…’ “

—Diana, 2002

This weekend was idyllic, an almost perfect representation of what a summer weekend should be. Ice cream with Kelly on Friday, where she dissected my thoughts, brought me out of the darkness, and made me believe in my heart again; a long phone chat with Katy on Saturday, much-needed and full of laughs; cold press and pastries with Diana again Sunday, another solid hours-long kvetch-and-lovefest, complete with professional hijinks to personal plotting to how-to-handle-life advice. Lots of time with Jeff, gardening, weeding (I just type wedding there instead of weeding, indicative of what I’ve been going on and on about, perhaps?! Ha), an amaaaaaaazing yoga class with Macarena (new fave!) that left me feeling both incredibly strong and so very sore, TWO movie nights in a row (Insider! How to Train Your Dragon! So good!), long discussions, Hanging Out. Being Lovers. Lime beer, grilling steak, picking up burritos and a hot dog at the pool. Working on some logo stuff with my Dad, doing some other Chores. Big fast bike ride Friday. And a lovely beyond lovely afternoon at the Richfield Pool by myself, sparkling blue water, beautiful hot sun, swimming laps vigorously in the sunshine and feeling so grateful to have this strong and relatively young body; “this is not so bad, at 30, to be living like this” and just BEING. Soaking it all up. Living life and loving my husband and home.

And today is beautiful anyhow.

…

I’ve been rereading Open, Andre Agassi’s autobiography, with which I was enamored just two years ago. I tore through that book, eating it up alive, in summer 2010, not a tennis fan at all, not someone who really even knew who Agassi was, and yet I fell in total love with the book and with his story completely (and probably him, haha). And I’m supposed to be reading something else, but now I’m completely immersed in Agassi’s story once more, and this time taking away something a little different. (Isn’t that the point of rereading – to learn something new, to see it at a different point in your life?) His life calms down and comes together once he realizes, essentially, that all we have it each other, and all we’re supposed to do is ease the suffering of others (and ourselves) when we can – and when it’s bad, grind on, grind on, grind on. Even when it’s bad for not months but years. Even when it doesn’t seem to end and you’re losing in the first round every.single.time – keep after it. Some things are meant to be endured; yet everlong as they are, it doesn’t mean they last forever. In the meantime, you have the people who matter to you most—and that is the stuff that matters.

…

When you get to be at a certain point in life, when all your friends are a certain age, when you’ve gone through months-into-years of agony and stress and disappointment, you start to get really good at detecting what particular Things mean and what Signs are there and what certain Phone Calls will be about. And you flinch and worry and plan, and it breaks your heart that you feel this way, but the way you feel breaks your heart, too, and what can you do? You’re swimming in a sea-turned-ocean of uncertainty, and no one else seems subject to this struggling fate and all it feels is unfairunfairunfair and jealousjealousjealous and I just don’t have energy for it anymore. I simply cannot take it. I only have it in me to keep going, be with Jeff, and see the Short List of folks I know I can handle right now. (And I’m sorry. And I’m not, too, because this is 2012: Year of Survival, after all. And this is What It Takes to survive, right now.)

So you get a Signal from a friend that one of those Phone Calls is about to come your way, and you panic, aflutter, trying to prepare to be eaten alive, for whenever it happens (“all of these animals, starting their day calmly in the dawn, eating and going about their day, in this world of violence and surprise, where one might be eaten alive?” –very loose paraphrase from Andre Agassi’s book, from when he was watching day break in the desert while on an African safari). Even though you can’t.

And then “Tainted Love” comes on the radio and you’re reminded of your friend who years ago spent hours making up a floor routine to this song (or just plotting it, with her you’re never sure which). Who was your fun-but-ever-casual friend then, and now is yet another better half; you had no idea the person she would come to be to you today, what she would come to mean, and just hearing that song and thinking of her makes you feel a little stronger, more worthy and prepared. Her wise words “when you have a why, the how doesn’t matter”, her unwavering support.

“Stand on my shoulders and reach, man.” –Gil (Agassi’s trainer) via Open, again

…

And in the end, you have Jeff. You have each other. And that’s all that really matters.

Someday, it will all be OK. And until then…just keep swimming.

“…we have no idea what/if will come. Except in the end everything will be perfect.”

“Summer summer summer tiiiime! / time to sit back and unwind”

—Will Smith…what would this ‘blog’ be without a little Will Smith, I ask

“Well, you know what they say about a song you remember…(pause)…it’s a memorable song!”

—Jeff, 7/23/06

OMG summer! Summer, glorious summer! It struck me just last weekend…ahhhh yes. It is Here (and today, officially, but, whatever, June is June is summer).

Despite my ‘blog’ being unfocused, random, and full of mostly inappropriate things, I still scoff a little bit at those who are all ‘10 years of blogging woohoo!‘ Because pallie, I’ve been at this since 1998. Possibly 1997.

No, seriously. Year 15 b*tches.

Anyway.

Speaking of 1998, as I’ve been doing a little more thinking (yes this is the charmed life) on ‘what will summer 2012 be about?’, I’ve decided it should be more or less like summer 1998 (which I sort of detailed weirdly here, yes I remember writing this – anyway). Here are things summer 1998 was about:

-Doing gymnastics…a lot
-Teaching gymnastics, and mostly by MYSELF (holla Turners where I had the KEY whoa!)
-Diving…badly
-Driving around blasting music with the windows down! YEAH license-having
-Working on my website
-Sometimes seeing a limited pool of friends (but not TOO often) only when I felt like it
-waterballet…yes I know
-Sheryl Crow and Jock Jams…yes I know x2
-Obsessing over watching gymnastics (Goodwill Games 1998/Domi-Vanessa domination, yo!)
-reading for FUN not school (pre-AP/summer homework crap)

And that was about it. (Not to be confused with summer 1999/2011, which were about THE SOCIAL LIFE, among other things. Pieow!) It was a great summer. I feel this summer deserves a similar sort of treatment. So here’s what I expect it to be about:

-Working out/being more FIERCE about it, anyway…I’m tired of being lazy/flab-seeking
-Teaching gymnastics…of course!…and mostly by myself, since Diana is traveling
-SWIMMING…ideally this will involve not just lap swimming at UMN, but also chilling at the Richfield pool when I can and/or lake(?) swimming (semi-afraid)
-Driving around blasting music with the windows down! This persists 😉
-Working on websites (ummmmm my job)/freelance (w/ my Dad this time haha!)
-Sometimes but rarely seeing a VERY limited pool of friends ONLY when I feel like it
-no waterballet, sorry…heh heh heh
-??? music I don’t know yet? Payphone? 1998 jamZ? Ha
-Obsessing over watching gymnastics (OLYMPICS/Gabby!!! duh)
-reading…for fun…but also trying to read a bunch of books I’ve been meaning to read for forever…we’ll see if this happens. I am too scared to write the List since I will probably Fail haha. But we’ll see.

So! That is that. Happy summer, all.