lxforever

I mean to do Friday Five but there you go.

1. My sister has a PATENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!! I can’t believe I just posted about this now. It’s seriously so cool, I can tell you where to find it if you want, just send me a note. YAY YAY YAY JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Currently watching: a CNN documentary on the 90s/the Internet/Apple/Microsoft and it is sweeeeeeeeet. I love the 90s. And the Internet. And Apple, and computers.

3. My review of Blue Apron: Unnecessary. Glad I only used it once and it was freeeeeeeeeee. However I have a suggestion for how they could change the company to be more interesting (I am sure they are waiting with bated breath to hear from me).

4. There was totally gymnastics on TV/going on this weekend and I totally did not tune in AT. ALL. I guess I have another chance tomorrow but eh?? Different time in life!

5. What a beautiful day of sun, slowing down, laughing with Baby/Toddler(notyet)2, and chilling OUT.

6. Pets.com. Need I say more?!

I was fortunate enough today to have not one but two separate conversations with women/leaders in my org whom I admire and always have from afar. Recently I’ve had the chance to work with them more directly, and it’s been great. Both were not only super helpful to me, and boosted my confidence in a majorly needed way, but seemed genuinely interested in being and glad to act as mentors, if informally, and mentioned such. What an honor! It’s stuff like this–people like this–that makes it hard to ever imagine leaving.

3 – times I wiped butts today
2 – butts wiped
2 – baths given
1 – child who had one bath
1 – child who had two baths
2 – children who shared the day’s second bath
2 – showers I’ve taken
9472937493 – texts I’ve sent among coworkers today/forever
15 – cherries I ate at dinner
2 – BLT sandwiches I ate at dinner
2 – cans of Polar water I’ve had
1 – patent my sister secured!
20+ – people impressed by said patent
1 – phone call I made to my grandma
1 – awesome statue on our dresser
1 – terrible president who should be ashamed
1 – country who could do better. Much, much better.

Somewhere along the way I made a leap. I ditched AP 11, dropped out of Aerospace, and made room for an art class or three, and kept it going from there. I was never going to be Brooke or Erik or any of the kids haunting the art lab for hours at a time, but I made my own way and found where I was meant to be.

When Mr. Lawrence, the teacher who chose to write “has a unique innate artistic ability” on my report card, heard I had gotten into MIT, he was the only teacher who was disappointed. “I heard a rumor,” he said of it one day in photography class, and when I assured him I didn’t intend to go there, was intent instead on pursuing graphic design at the University of Minnesota, his eyes lit up. In a sea full of achievers (in the one way), that was a gift.

I’ve gotten a little ways from that, and it doesn’t mean a lot other than: there’s more than where you are, and always a way back. It’s a long arc, and I’m lucky to be in it.

-rockin 80s song, also WordPress.

Anyway. Hello! My streak of every day in August has gone astray, but this is still more entries than we’ve seen in a looooooooong time so I’m counting it a success. Even if it’s just content for the sake OF CONTENT.

I’m chilling with my family in Madison and just walked into the dark room to join them in sleep and walked into…A STRAY LEG. Like some kind of horror film!!!!! Or like a 4-year-old on the floor.

Things have been weird at work (weird is an understatement and not accurate, but, privacy, Internet, etc.), so that’s been on my mind, but to cope with it, really, just the friendships I’ve made there and then my amaaaaaaaazing family is what’s REALLY been on my mind. My genius, beautiful children. My wise, handsome husband. It’s a good life.

Now time for some cousin shenanigans. Of the NEXT GENERATION! 🙂

So I went on a little work trip and had a lot of time to talk to someone I’ve admired from afar and who reminds me of…me. Someone who’s been in the workforce/world for a lot longer than me, but is genuine and funny and smart all at once. OK, #humblebrag, whatever, but the point is, this person has managed to move up but retain who they set out to be.

I’ve been seeking a lot of ‘wise counsel’ (“thank you for your wise counsel” lol!) as of late and this was no exception. It felt a little forward, but this morning I thanked the person for their honesty and belief in me and for sharing their wisdom. It means a LOT to me when others invest their time and brainpower in helping someone, especially those earlier in their career, and I don’t want to take that for granted.

Imagine my surprise when, several hours later, the person thanked ME. The person said it had been helpful to THEM, too. I’m still not entirely sure what I was being thanked for, other than being myself and sharing my own struggles and asking for help, but it was a reminder that we find things to be thankful for in all kinds of places and all kinds of people, and all kinds of ways we are helpful without even realizing it…even when we’re the ones being helped. It was cool.

(It was even cooler, though, to get home to my family 😉 ! )

It’s all optional.

Doing this.

Doing that.

Worrying. Working. Working hard.

Responding, reacting.

Fears and insecurities and doubts. Following anything other than your intuition (but that’s optional too). Judgment. Letting others lead. Leading. Leaving. Letting go.

It’s all optional.

An instructor in a fitness class said that this week and it’s really stuck with me. The things that stress me, that worry me right now…it’s optional. You get to choose.

So what’ll it be?

Right now…bed! 🙂

Doing this from my phone, but I am DOING IT.

1. Totally insane work week, and not just for me. Whew. It’s good to have good friends at work supporting each other through this. I am lucky.

2. My kids. I always knew being a mom would be amazing but it is SO AMAZING. Maybe they are just at fun ages but I truly could not love this role of mine more. What an honor. When I think about those long years of waiting to be a mom…even other crappy stuff doesn’t even come close. 😍

3. Jeff. He is not only amazing and fun and wonderful, but he is looking better than ever these days! Wow!

4. Reading: Fates and the Furies. Super interesting ONCE I got into it. Watching: Insecure and GoT. Insecure is outSTANDING. You MUST watch this show if you watch shows!!!!! I’m so obsessed with it and Issa Rae.

5. Learning: what my priorities are and where I draw the line, as always. Ever evolving. Ever growing. Even in the midst of a challenge…life is good and the story continues.

Not much to add except a few quotes.

“There’s no sense worrying about it if it hasn’t happened yet.”
“Thank you for your wise counsel.”

“Just standing in the bathroom in the dark with my food.”

“This is Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen, Queen of the Andals, Protector of the Realm, adfhdla;sjfdl;samfsdaf asdf…”
“This is…Jon Snow.”

Also I got to hold a 9-week-old baby today and she was the SWEETEST!

Also today I brought 9873094234 bags to work. In these bags:
-2 computers
-2 iPhones
-Wallet/keys/money/etc.
-4 necklaces
-2 lip glosses (OK, a lie, probably 4)
-2 bracelets
-lots of food for lunch
-carrots, watermelon, and coffee
-also, an umbrella. Also more but that’s all I’m willing to do.

OUT.

Oh back in the day when it was a miracle to keep a child alive past a year (still is); oh back when there weren’t 2 and it was a miracle to survive as a parent (sort of true); now it’s just old hat, but it never is, life never is.

Click clack glitter hospital halls, sealife creatures running up the walls; a baby, a balloon, a pulse within. Stacks of supplies and medical carts, scrubs and white coats and bells tangling the air, chimes for a new one, here is your newborn.

The warm wrapped-up newness and solitude and import of just you, and you, and you all together, alone, one. One! One. 1.