lxforever

“How old do you think you are in heaven? / I think you’re the age that you are just before you go to school, whatever age that is… / when you’re at home with your mother all day and she just takes care of you. // I remember my mother, she would cut the thinnest slices of apple and it would just melt in my mouth…”

—Leroy Mason, June 2009

“…Last thing I remember / things were getting better / and I’d go anywhere with you.”

—Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

“I am dominating shit. I am DOMINATING! Today is a good day for me being a MAN. It really is!!!”

—Jeff Akervik, 12/31/09, 1:43 am

Letter (joking as always) from Leroy, 2000

I don’t want to make this one too devoted to the decade, because I can hardly sum up a decade when I started it off in high school yet, but there are a few things I’d like to point out.

First, two articles that kind of made me go, “Huh. Yeah. Good point. Damn it.”
Tiger Woods, Person of the Year (AKA The Great Bamboozle)
The Big Zero. (I know, I know, but don’t worry, I’m not too into Krugman’s Kool-aid, seriously)

Second, Y2K and remembering that. Really, I was a senior in HS 10 years ago? Yikes. But I remember it well. Tons and tons of Jello, traveling party (starting at Andrea’s and ending at good ol’ 6733 with games in the basement and shorter-than-me friends in the living room), random fire / fireworks at Picnic Point, nothing big happening in the world at large as far as technical fears go (other than the blinking stoplights Sharan and I drove by) but lots going on in my very not-at-large HS life that I won’t get into but you can probably guess. It was a pretty pivotal NYE/NYD, and pretty swell at that, and it’s pretty cool to have started out a new year/decade/millennium in that kind of memorably remarkable way at least once in my life.

(Not that I intend to make it to the next millennium or anything.)

This will be a swell NYE in itself in that I have many of the things

Third, I can’t imagine another decade that involves so many crazy swings and changes – I mean, really, can you imagine the teens ending in as different a manner from their start as did the zeroes? HS to college to ‘adulthood’ and all of that? Yeah, no. But I’d wager that if any decade can come close, it’ll be this next one. Or something.

So, … back to matters at hand. 2009!!!

Year In Review

I think it’s being said pretty much everywhere, but 2009 was not the best by any stretch, and that turned out to be true for me in some ways as well. However, a lot of the things that I’ve let become so anxiety-inducing and up-in-the-air are on some kind of path, however obscure, towards being revealed (or so I hope), so I’m pretty optimistic about what lies ahead. (And what lies within. Or so I keep telling myself and hoping and wishing. This is the goal….always the goal.)

And also, it’s pretty dang hard to top 2008, which was completely amazing in almost every way – which of course only served to magnify the faults of 2009. OK, enough disclaimers (for now!). Let’s try to start positively here.

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2009:
(1) Getting to be with my family so much when it mattered the most; seeing how important life is to someone and how such a full life can be something of a miracle. Obviously the biggest non-highlight was my Grandpa’s death, but just being there and seeing how incredible it can be for my family to come together and support him and one another—and gathering around and hearing his stories, and seeing him cling to life so fiercely—was very powerful and something I will never forget.

(2) Magical baby Mason. He is the cutest little nephew anyone could ever ask for, and I am even more honored to be one of his Godmothers. Somehow being that to someone so precious makes me feel a little more responsible for how I view my faith/spirituality, and so highlight (2b) of the year has to be whatever forces collided to bring me back to something of that sort. Still not sure what that is, but it works for me. OK, that’s enough of that. Another highlight to this one (2c?) is of course little baby Laura. She’s such a tiny cutie and it is nice to have her and the Bauers ’round town. (We will get together soon, I hope! I’ll work on that.)

(3) Health! Duh! I’m grateful for that every day that I walk, run, swim, skip, do gymnastics, do a handstand, dance around, whatever. Seeing health taken away from people makes me that much more grateful for my fortune in this arena. I do what I can, but so much of it is luck.

(4) Gymnastics! I made a comeback this year, but in a different way. Sure, I did the Gleason’s meet in May, and did some things that made me pretty proud, and I’m still hoping to continue seeing what I can do, perhaps. But I’m talking about coaching. I’m not sure what inspired me, but I called around and landed myself a little coaching gig at a park near my house. This led to applying for a HS coaching gig, which I didn’t get, which is probably GOOD (remember, I’m trying to be sane!), but thanks to a very generous someone, I got to volunteer coach for a Minneapolis HS team instead, at my leisure. But I’m really excited about this new class, teaching something I love in a non-club/non-suburban setting, working with kids again and figuring it all out. And many thanks to the previously mentioned kind someone for showing me the ropes, too. COACHING! WHY did I ever quit??? (This may be another piece of the puzzle. We’ll see.)

(5) LAX. Not L.A., but LaCrosse. I spent a weekend there for my cousin Lisa’s graduation from nursing school (GO SLICKERY) and for Mother’s Day with my mom, which was absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t trade that one-on-one time for anything. It was a very nice weekend.

(6) I got a job with a great boss and a fair amount of security for the time being, at a place that does stuff I’m interested in. Tough to do sometimes, and good for my level of insanity in ways. I’m trying to calm down.

(7) I finally gave blood. And it was totally fine (although my seemingly neverending appetite increased tremendously because of it). Go Me. I should do it again soon, too.

(8) Family and Friends. Internet and real-life! Close and far away! Old and new! I am blessed (blessed?!) with a bevy of wonderful people in my life, family and friends alike, that make every day full of fun, support, caring, memories. Too much love.

(9) Jeff. Duh. He is my constant, my light, my rock, my guiding star throughout all of the drama I put myself through. He believes that I can do anything and only hopes that I can start to see the same, too; and he’ll support me however I need it to get there. Every day I am reminded of how lucky I am to be married to him and have him in my life. He is amazing!
Gushing aside, highlight 9b is of course celebrating our first anniversary. Another sunny November 1st at the SPSC. Here’s to many, many more!!

Well damn. 2009 looks like a pretty swell year. So what’s all the whining about? Trust me, very little of it can outweigh the positives. But it still remains. Here goes…

NON-HIGHLIGHTS OF 2009:
(1) LeRoy the Great passing on. Still miss him. And of course I’m not alone. What a force. I know it is hard for all of us, but for my Grandma especially (of course) it’s so tough. I think of her often and send her my love.

(2) Leaving HITF. God, that sucked, and still does. I can’t really explain other than it still amazes me how many good people I met there, how lucky I was to be there with them, and how much of an impact said people had.

(3) The economy in general, and the people it affected in particular, especially those close to me. The sadness that no one really winds up paying for this other than those who weren’t really messing around to begin with. Those who suffered as a result. The whole giant shebang, really. What a scam.

(4) Personal struggles that I’m still dealing with and navigating around. Like I said, I have a good life, so it’s nothing insurmountable or really that crazy, but let’s just say things were a lot rougher in 2009 than I expected them to be, and while it’s all on the upswing, it’s still a struggle. Bleah. I just don’t know. Lucky for me to have the friends and family that I do to make my way through it.

I think I’ll stop there, because #1 is plenty on its own. And, important disclaimer: despite crabby that list was in ways, I know that I have a fantastic life and world and gifts and everything compared to so, so, so many others. I continue to be an extremely fortunate (and just plain lucky) person and I hope to never lose sight of that fact. So much gratitude and thankfulness.

So, that was that – 2009, the year of the 9, no match for its predecessor 08, of the horrible 8s, and so my faith in numbers is a little jaded.

AND SO! 2010:

Thoughts / ideas / percolations / hopes / resolutions? for 2010:

coach! This I am already slated to do, starting Monday.

write something a little more substantial, i.e., not on the internet.

draw! I have a few thoughts on this, too.

relearn calculus? maybe? just to see?

other things….the worrying….the up-in-the-air….but that’s not really a goal, just a process, and I’m already working on it

try to do what I want and stop worrying about the rest. See above.

um, how about a health goal…maybe a 5k in under 25 minutes? A triathlon? BHS or aerial on high beam? All or none? We’ll see. I guess, just keep staying healthy.

Have fun!!! Always a good goal….my 3rd-grade life philosophy!

Happy New Decade and Binary New Year to you and yours, and may 2010 be merry and bright!!!

This journal was posted on Thursday, December 31st, 2009 at 8:00 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.