lxforever

“Life must be lived as play.”

—Plato

“ENTJs have difficulty following others unless those individuals demonstrate more competence than they themselves have. ENTJs are likely to commit to a career goal early, often in their teen years. They determine their overall goals and objectives and what it will take to accomplish them.”

HOLY SMOKES IT’S 2009. How did that happen? I had a very lovely New Year’s Eve consisting of sushi, Prosecco, cheese, wine, chess, weird shows, and my notsecret lover, my dear husband Jeff. (In case you can’t tell, I’m kind of way into calling him my husband, ha.) And so far my ass-kicking is pretty all-inclusive, so I’m proud of that. Tough workouts, getting shit done at work…of course, it’s only day two. But still.

So.

EVERYTHING IS GYMNASTICS. How can it not be??? At least once a day what I do in some way brings that to light, whether I realize it or not. This time years ago I would be so stressed and angry and angsty and crying, spending my weekends in Milwaukee in tears and sweat and blood and chalk, salty salty coppery dust. Maybe not that dramatic, but that’s how it felt to a 15-, 16-, 17-, 18-year-old me. HIGH DRAMA. But for all the drama, that was my high and the best place to be. I’m no longer not over it, if that makes sense; but I’ll still miss it always.

Now I’m just moving along in my ordinary way, but still these things pop up. I’m at it again: doing that which I like rather than that at which I could excel. Gymnastics?! I could have been much better at other things. I could have excelled at something, instead of muddling along as a gymnast; I could have spent my time elsewhere. But that would have been a lie. None of the other stuff mattered; all I wanted was gymnastics.

Here I am, muddling along as a designer. I could have been better at many other things; I could have spent my time elsewhere. “But why would you waste it all to be an artist?!” ENTJ silly silly. (And. It’s not fair to compare design to gymnastics like that, though; sure, I like what I do, but it’s just not the same kind of bug, and never will be. Let’s just be clear about that!) But here I am and here I’ll stay. For the times that feel stupid and wasted and failed, there’s always a time that isn’t, and that’s what you try to remember.

(Along with writingrelaxingasskickingmindfulnesspeacingout, I’m trying to be more confident in 2009, too. Right.)

How did I ever get to where I did in gymnastics? It was just by sticking around. Long after dozens of girls more talented than me had left for sweeter or saner pursuits, long after they’d found their prowess bloom elsewhere, I was still around, smart or no, silly or not. Last One Standing, more or less, Last Ones—Jenny and me. Whatever that means, but there we were.

I have at least 40 years of working ahead of me, and no one sticks around like my Dad did any longer, but I suspect some of this may hold true yet for me. It won’t be because I’m the best, or most talented, or putting in the time or weight or work; it’ll be because I’ve stuck around, and have yet to find anything better. We’ll see.

(As for writing more in 09….am I right or am I right? Thanks Mike for the inSPYration.)