May 21st, 2012
two for the price of one
“Fool enough to almost be it / cool enough to not quite see it / Doomed / Pick your pockets full of sorrow / run away with me tomorrow / June / We’ll try and ease the pain / somehow / we’ll feel the same / Well, no one knows / where our secrets go”
—Smashing Pumpkins/LXv1.0
evil, evil, evil
2012 is NOT The Year.
So, so not.
1. Megan and Matt’s graduation was excellent. I love family functions and I love my family. Ian always makes me laugh and Jane is too too funny. So nice to see everyone and a great distraction.
2. My previous entry still stands. I am more or less in crisis mode I guess (note: UNRELATED to the next items on this list, FWIW). However, thanks to a great yoga class Thursday, patience from Jeff, and then an amazing catchup/street-crying (oh yes) session w/ Diana Friday I am in a much better place.
Yet. The theme of the upcoming weeks+ is as follows: FIND STILLNESS. The only things I intend to undertake include this: any previously-agreed-upon social outings, anything for Jenny’s wedding (yay), getting enough sleep/food, limited alcohol/caffeine intake, and lots of time with Jeff, and time with myself. FIND STILLNESS. I need my brain to be peaceful and calm and not put pressure on myself and/or anyone else. If I were a religious person, we would call this “praying”, however I am not really any longer. So! That is that.
If you are reading this and I know you IRL, I would appreciate space and understanding about these new things. I don’t necessarily want to talk about it but I do always value good thoughts and peace and knowing you are there. Thank you.
3. Jenny looked A M A Z I N G !!! in her wedding dress, and she is going to be a G O R G E O U S bride in just 19 (?!) days. !!! HOLLA! I seriously cannot wait. It is the Highlight of the Year for sure. It’s going to be wonderful!!! I had a lot of sister time w/ her this weekend too and that was excellent and much-needed. We also got fun new makeup.
4. When I came home yesterday Jeff cheered “YAY! YAY! YAY” over and over and over which was awesome. He is…THE BEST. He is all I need, in the end.
5. May 2012 is Evil, Evil, Evil. Evil. 10 days left in May and my goal is to get everyone out alive. I’m only slightly exaggerating. I would be happy to have this month over ASAP. To recap: Sunday-school-teacher with the brain tumor = my Uncle Joe out in Oregon. I have not seen him in years but he is a most wonderful man of whom I have many fond memories from childhood. Unreal and so, so unfair. Recap II: Friend who lost her baby = one of my dear friends was going to have a baby in November and is no longer. Awful and so, so unfair.
I believed in 2012 up until this month. Mortality chased us right into this year now didn’t it?
6. Recap III. I hadn’t directly mentioned my sister’s news here because I no longer believe in babies until they are alive and breathing air from this Earth (also why I now intensely dislike baby showers; I should be Jewish). But. My older sister was expecting a baby in October and is no longer. Unreal and unfair and shattering and wrong.
I don’t know who reads here any longer but that is what’s going on. If you are a cousin your mom has this information and will pass it along to you; I’m sorry if you read it here first. Other than that, I’m sorry if this was too much for anyone in one day. It shouldn’t be anything that happens on one planet, anyway. And yet it does. Give your loved ones a hug for me.