August 10th, 2011
bounces, breakdowns
“All my friends got flowers in their eyes / but I’ve got none this season”
—Counting Crows
Title stolen. Yes I just did that.
Anything I write here will probably be dark and awful so I’m trying to avoid it. Even though sometimes it helps. Granted, good things are out there/happen to me, but it feels a little like pinholes in a dark sheet or something, and like a distraction. Again, dark and awful, so I’m just going to stop there.
But then this: coming home late, a little hopeless and depressed (I blame beer, fail!), missing Jeff…so sitting on the couch with him, giggling in the dark, joking about everything and anything and “Bob Oliver” and “Kyle Moe” and talking about our nephew, still arguing about 2003 design projects and classmates, “And how about that other girl who yelled at you?” “Well, she’s sitting right here.” Yep, I am. Pretty damn lucky.
There are good things, good things, I just want that summer high of denial back so, so bad. In the meantime, I cling to all of the good things, the amber-of-the-moment things, I do have.