August 1st, 2011
the amber of the moment II
“Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no Why.”
—Kurt Vonnegut
“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.”
—Vonnegut, again
“Do things that make you happy. Don’t do things that don’t.”
—Andrea, 9/4/99
“And I thought I’d live forever / but now I’m not so sure / you try to tell me that I’m clever / but that won’t take me anyhow / or anywhere / with you”
—Lisa Loeb, Stay
time scattered feeling mostly dreamlike, melancholy, happy all at once wearing yellow top, white skirt “like an egg” “no it’s not!” music EITS, want Caspian though! ready for clinging to summer high to continue next floods
And maybe that’s what my magical summer of 2011 has been about—being trapped in the amber of the moment, but with joy upon joy for being trapped there. 2011 hasn’t been at all what I expected or planned, but it’s by now been so many good, good, GOOD things instead, I feel overwhelmed with luck and gratitude, as I often do. It’s amazing what exists out there if you just reach out to touch it.
I somehow had a conversation with Anna (5-year-old niece Anna, not crazy-college-Anna or Juicy-Juice-HITF-Anna) on Saturday at Devil’s Lake that ended with the conclusion that all things fade with time and all animals eventually die. I’m pretty sure I used the line “without death, there is no life” or something at one point. It sounds morbid and awful, and I kind of hope Stephie doesn’t read this anymore, but it was actually a really beautiful conversation and she seemed to take it in complete stride, with 5-year-old acceptance and curiosity.
Until you die…it’s all Life. This Is It. This _is_ all there is.
This is all there is:
Walking down a wholly unfamiliar Chicago street downtown and peering into a tea shop where you’re struck by the beauty of an old, familiar friend…an old, dear friend…waiting, willing to catch up with you despite a lapse of almost a decade; where words come as easily as they ever did, and you wonder why you ever gave it up. Second (third, fourth, eleventh) chances.
Driving down Michigan Avenue in crazy tourist Saturday Chicago on your way to the wedding of a second cousin whom you haven’t seen in probably 20 years, but who was a big influence on you via AIM through high school and college…walking in and knowing hardly a soul but being welcomed with open arms and introduced all around, seated at the head table despite it all…dancing with people you’ve never met or hardly know and coming away feeling like you’ve known them forever.
Strolling along Chicago’s magnificent mile with your sister and her fiance and her friend and friend’s husband, witnessing random street incidents, eating your way through their new neighborhood, looking through dolls and cracking inappropriate jokes, soaking up the sun and city and wandering without hurry…setting up on the rooftop with your sister, sleeping in the sun…sleeping amidst other highrises in DT Chicago as lightning streaks across the sky…joking and laughing abounds.
Watching your husband in a massive pillowfight with his niece and nephew, seeing him fall in love with them all over again, watching your nephew’s smile light up his whole face for whatever zany idea your husband has him engaged in next…turning over these moments with him the next day in your home and already plotting a visit back, to hang out some more…Anna and “JET” and dolls and beluga whales and “I saved a spot for you Jeff” and dance parties upstairs and throwing them up in the air, being a crazy aunt and uncle as we should be.
Swimming in a lake in the sun surrounded by rocks with your niece and cousin(s), your cousin pretending to be a shark and throwing “A-bomb” in the air, Anna shrieking with delight, Mike laughing and asking her perfectly silly questions, Anna getting to know her extended Mason family…Mason getting to know his namesakes…tournaments and alikeness and getting together and reuniting. STAYING IN TOUCH. Stay in touch.
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And so much more. I can’t capture this past weekend nor the one before adequately, but it really was magical. This is Life. This is It. Happy summer 2011.