December 31st, 2024
TICK TOCK / c-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-o-n-s / 2024
“I would never fall in love again until I found her / I said, ‘I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into’ / I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her / I found you”
—Stephen Sanchez, Until I Found You
“You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.”
—Contact
I think I’ll mix up holidays a little bit and close out with a bit of a Thankful Things Tuesday, or whatever blog trope is still hanging around. (A blog trope! Who in their right minds in 1997 when this blog started guessed that would be a Thing?! I suppose we had the little link rings to help get traffic–I’ve been crosslinking since high school, I guess.) I’m not feeling particularly inspired or drawn to resolutions or improvement or some kind of big change for 2025—I looked over my 2024 goals and ideas (usually called “202X Things” in my Things app, as a nb) and was surprised at how very structured and thought-out and organized they were—around quarters, around themes, around smaller happy things to try to larger themes to carry out. It’s not a bad thing, but wow, I don’t feel that right now. I could chalk it up to a few things, some negative, some neutral, but I think it’s really just this: middle age.
Middle age, the back half, whatever you call it. Not in a bad way, but instead in a softening way. Our friend Brigette made mention of this earlier this year, or last year, but this concept of this second part of life being about softness, ease, enjoyment…not so much striving. That seems just right. Or so the memes that keep surfacing for me seem to say. And it’s like—sadly, I remember being so disappointed in adults who took things like NYE less excitedly/seriously than I did and didn’t make a big deal out of things, but what if we’re busy making a bigger deal about the littler, more ordinary-magic things as we age and that’s enough? A good workout, a beautiful sky, a hot cup of coffee. I think that is. Enough.
(And. This thing I’ve circled around for a few years now, and keep getting better but keep having to work on, on being enough, on doing stuff that works for me—that’s a factor here, too. Working on it. Maybe worth writing down.)
(And also? After that shitshow of an American election I definitely don’t feel like I have it in me to try and improve. You guys wanted this? You have it. The war on women continues. So, no. I will resolve…to have a good time and enjoy my wonderful family.)
So! Anyway! Let’s get going.
I’m thankful for having a strong, active body that can get up and off the floor and play and lift and barre3 and do so many things. I lifted lots of heavy weights this morning in a studio that’s pretty special to me, swam laps easily yesterday, and that is a gift itself. I get so much out of movement. I’m thankful for HEALTH and all of our health. I’m thankful to watch our children grow, grow up, have classmates and teachers worth crying for when they leave and then new ones worth celebrating when they move on and up and out, thankful to watch them shoot a basket or try a new long race or audition for the first time and make it. Thankful to watch them play and have little pretend voices and make ‘lisenses’ for their ‘cleaning person’ service and swim all day and trick-or-treat all night and intertwine friends all around throughout the way. And I’m thankful for my own friends, too; my dozens-of-years friends and my new friends, close and far; for my colleagues, my colleagues-turned-friends and all of the hijinks we get up to—LETITSNOW! Thankful to have a job that provides a purpose even when it’s frustrating, with people I generally enjoy and outcomes that are well-meaning. I’m thankful for the OLYMPICS!!!!! For ALL the AMAZING gymnastics I got to see this year—what a freaking year!—TRIALS and all those days with Diana, the amazing Olympics with all those outstanding athletes, and even the GOLD tour. You were good to me! Thankful for my family, my awesome cousins, our silly text threads, a wonderful wedding with lots of dancing and a newly married cousin, get togethers in MN and WI and cousin-cousins hanging out (what a great Thanksgiving!), and always Jenny. And of course and especially JEFF, who is the best. Duh. Thankful to be able to reminisce about decades ago and seconds ago over a second plate of chips …and everything else.
Another note. I finally made it to a math talk by my old friend Po-Shen earlier this year. He is one of the most energetic and inspiring people I know, and the biggest takeaway I had was this: the only way humans can make it is in the strength we have unique to us, which is our connections. C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N-S. We aren’t the strongest creature on the planet, and soon we won’t be the smartest, either, but wow, we have a lot going for us, if we keep it going. So trying to focus on that above all.
OKAY! Time for some questions, and adding some pics, and then we’ll wrap this up. These questions are adapted from a previous livejournal EOY questions list that was much (unnecessarily, IMO) longer…
- What songs, books, lyrics, movies, or other media will remind you of 2024?
- INTERSTELLAR. I got into this soundtrack late 2023 and it bled into the entirety of 2024, with Tick-Tock as my top song and key in many moments. I eventually saw the film (a few times! terrific), and as semi-usual, spent a lot of time thinking about how time works, and doesn’t work, and what we see and don’t see and how it’s just one part of a path. I read a lot of other books clustered around this concept, too, including The Anomaly, Midnight Library, and more. And actually…
- THE FUTURE. Incredible book. Everything to believe about everything. A ton of honorable mentions too, including I Have Some Questions For You, The Vaster Wilds, and The Bee Sting, and aforementioned ones.
- Challengers was a close second in terms of soundtrack, to Interstellar. Good movie too.
- I rewatched The Bear S3E1 a few times and listened to the NIN song on repeat for days. Listening to stuff on repeat is a very strong theme of my entire music collection, btw, as is soundtracks.
- Stephen Sanchez! What a guy (musician).
- WILD ROBOT. “I need a boost” on repeat.
- Lindsay Stirling, Don’t Tell Abuela, any music that was part of an Olympic hopeful’s floor music. Also On Top Of The World, Public Service Announcement, You & Me, Dream On, Kiss To Build a Dream On, and a few new songs added to the collection, too, and new discoveries. Most of these remind me of kids doing stuff/kid basketball/ordinary moments of happiness.
- Did anyone close to you leave or join this Earth? (death/birth)
- I went to THREE baby showers this year which is like crazy to me! A dear friend/colleague, a dear sister-in-unlaw, and a dear college friend. Pretty rad. 2/3 babies born so far, so good. I also have some cousins who got/are getting married (not to each other), pretty cool.
- A few folks close-ish to me lost people very close to them. It sucks. It’s that time.
- A colleague who was a integral part of a really cool project I worked on in 2023 was killed by a drunk driver this fall. Young promising economist and it was terrible.
- Was there a theme or goal or resolution(s) you had for 2024, and how did it go?
- PLAY/ALIVE. I was trying to be more playful. I was focusing a lot on playing with Gradeschooler2 when asked, since those times will fly by. I think it went pretty well. I think it’s worth keeping top of mind still, though. As mentioned, I had a lot of other goals, some were successful, but mostly it’s just more on the never-ending to-do list. So it’s worth asking if it’s worth it, IMO.
- PLAY/ALIVE. I was trying to be more playful. I was focusing a lot on playing with Gradeschooler2 when asked, since those times will fly by. I think it went pretty well. I think it’s worth keeping top of mind still, though. As mentioned, I had a lot of other goals, some were successful, but mostly it’s just more on the never-ending to-do list. So it’s worth asking if it’s worth it, IMO.
- Look through your photos. What moments or images stand out to you from 2024?
- I love watching my kids do things! I love going places with my family. AND just being at home with them, as I am now :).
- I had a lot more silly fun with coworkers than I have in recent years. And that reminds me that I’m still in touch with many folks (colleagues/classmates!) from years and years ago now, even those who have moved on. Pretty good, have to enjoy it when you have it. Connections!
- There was a lot of bananagrams in breweries, lol.
- Did you: try something new; go somewhere new; meet someone new; or learn something new?
- I tried new things! I kind of got back into calisthenics which I think I’d like to do more of. I coached youth basketball as the main coach, which, wow. But fun. But v grateful for Jeff. I went to Nashville! That was new and a cool hotel. I also went back to Duluth, to Chicago, to the Carolinas, to Atlanta. Typical places but terrific experiences. I met a few new people but more I re-made connections and deepened existing ones. I learned a lot, a lot of it at work in both how I do things and adding a new item to my plate, which was cool, but nothing specifically stands out for right now.
- I tried new things! I kind of got back into calisthenics which I think I’d like to do more of. I coached youth basketball as the main coach, which, wow. But fun. But v grateful for Jeff. I went to Nashville! That was new and a cool hotel. I also went back to Duluth, to Chicago, to the Carolinas, to Atlanta. Typical places but terrific experiences. I met a few new people but more I re-made connections and deepened existing ones. I learned a lot, a lot of it at work in both how I do things and adding a new item to my plate, which was cool, but nothing specifically stands out for right now.
- What do you want out of 2025?
- I want to be grateful for what I have and enjoy it. Presence? Be that through connections, creating, looking for LESS, accepting a MESS, and continuing to PLAY, that’s what I’m thinking. But who knows? Happy new year.
