September 27th, 2021
the back half / the back nine / second act / golden age II
“You’re in your golden age, guys. Enjoy it.”
–our family practice doctor, wistfully, at kid checkups a couple weeks ago
“Like much in life, a person reflects on where they have been, what’s been accomplished. While that may be worth noting I found that 40+ and beyond is much more rewarding. It’s when a person begins to see the fruits of what has been sown. Enjoy what is here now and what is to come. Love, Dad.”
–Steve
“34…35…36…shhh! I’m trying to set a record!…37…38…39…40!”
–Meatball again
It’s late and it’s bedtime, but a person of privilege in a particular place has the luxury to reflect and reminisce before they retire for the eve so here I am, 40 luxurious years +13 extra hours in. It’s safe to say that this is halfway, if luck stays on my side, and while I guess I should plan past 2061ish, this still feels halfway, a reflection point, and not just because of the age. It really does feel different.
I noticed earlier this year that I’ve turned into a mentor at work, something I know I’d been doing before, but now someone that others new-to-me see as a Person Who Knows, who they want to reach out to, lean into and learn from. Me? Yes, me. And on my dev team as the second oldest now, the one having to Google “and i oop”, assuming it was a typo (lol!), trying to keep up with gifs and wondering what’s next. (Don’t worry, I’m still barely catching up on the other side of my work house, ha.)
I know how to parent, I have two grade-school kids. I am pretty good at being a wife, but this is mostly because Jeff is the BEST! I spent a long time the past couple of years working on how I perceive mistakes and accept poorer outcomes and that no path to perfection is a guarantee anyway. I’m still battling against my obsession with efficiency and there’s still more to come there, so let’s hope—I know—I’m still learning at this crest.
Our doctor said it, my therapist said it, so many birthday cards said it—at a point this becomes about enjoying what you have. 2014, 2015, entires were all about the keep-climbing narrative, keep climbing keep climbing and then…I was there and then…pandemic and now…? Now there’s more to learn, but less to climb, I think, and plan.
The past few days have been cousins giggling and playing, new fluffy boots and reading and gathering of books, cake and family and toasts and parks, happy-birthday planks and quiet lake swimming and a sunshiney beach, sparkly things and flickering candles, messages and jokes and leg-kicks in the morning, a ‘proj-ect’ and drop-offs to start the day, chats and cards and calendars of birds, wishes on candles and cuddles and the cupcake book, a world alive. Happy 40.