lxforever

“Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way”

—Frank Sinatra, My Way

“If you don’t make the choice / And you don’t use your voice / Someone else will speak for you instead”

—Madonna, Iconic

“Sometimes the light’s all shinin’ on me / Other times I can barely see. / Lately it occurs to me / What a long, strange trip it’s been.”

—Grateful Dead, Truckin’

“You were really hot, man. I was looking at pictures from 2007 and I really nailed it, getting you.”

—Jeff, 12/31/15….?????

Someone I know of (that is, not know, but went to school with and hear of) is putting her 30something husband into hospice this week after 2 years dealing with stage 4 colon cancer. Horrible.

That is not something I see in my near future, and so for that reason, I think 2015 has been pretty great.

However, scares are scares, so if you ask someone else, they might say 2015 was not their favorite for this household.

I guess I’m choosing to look on the bright side?

2015 was a very strange year. A very good year, if you ask me (see above), because all of the challenges it presented were knocked down and blows taken and moved on. Still, I get why it’s not some people’s favorite. It was basically unpredictable.

The idea for 2015 was to KEEP IMPROVING. I did this. I did this well. And I think I did this in a lot of areas…including in my family/personal life, which is honestly what matters most to me. I’m happy about that.

The idea for 2016, I think, will be LESS IS MORE…except, given how 2015 started, I don’t know what to expect for next year. Onward and upward?

Anyway, given work/life privacy concerns, I can’t write a ton more, so here are a few things that come to mind.

Fancypants NYC hotel doing something totally big and new for me all on my own. Hospital cot by the windows in the cold in Kmart bedazzled sweatpants. Rats and furnace and recovery and doldrums. Two weeks at home convalescing just the three of us. Work uncertainty and challenging the order, also known as ‘kicking the door down’. Lisa’s wedding. Clear scans over and over. Still some health struggles that we can’t nail down. A stronger and more beloved marriage than ever before. A toddler singing and speaking and playing imaginary play and riding amusement park rides. Fantastic Florence, best meal and evening ever in Venice, a mini-apartment with even more adventures in Rome. Healing. A friend’s nearly parallel struggles—health is just a golden ring sometimes. Taking pages of medical notes in a little red graph book. Swimming in the hot hot sun all alone with toddler and being goofy. Riding my (new!) bike over a bridge while watching fireworks explode over the city on the 4th. Throwing a gutsy, action-loving toddler into a cannonball into the water. Setting up a tiny dollhouse Christmas Eve. Toasting on the couch the 3 of us at 9pm for the ‘new year’.

The world beyond: still continues to disappoint. I wish I had something eloquent to say about the injustices so many nonwhite people in this country face, but…I’m at a loss. It’s all a loss. And I don’t know what I’m doing to help.

Resolutions: I WAS more conscious of phone use, however now (thanks to Jeff!) I have a sweet new rose gold phone so that may be falling for the moment. I did NOT EVER go to open gym, perhaps I am truly retired for real now.

2016: LESS IS MORE. Less getting wrapped up in GTD, more being where I am. And stick to the manifesto/mantra. (And OLYMPICS and Hillary! Etc.)

16 minutes to go. Not bad, self. Here’s to health, above all, in 2016, and happiness. I’m lucky to say that the luck of good health has made me extra happy this year. Rejoice and good night.

CORRECTIONS:

*mice not rats

**brass ring not gold. Whoops. Olympic year and all I guess. 

This journal was posted on Thursday, December 31st, 2015 at 11:46 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.