March 20th, 2012
Anger, he smiles, towering in shiny metallic purple armor
“I was angry when I met you / I think I’m angry still / We can try to talk it over / if you say you’ll help me out”
—Garbage
“This has been my personal secret weapon for two straight years.”
“Anger, he smiles / towering in shiny metallic purple armor”
—Jimi Hendrix, Bold As Love
“A hammering in my head don’t stop / from the bullet train from Tokyo / to Los Angeles”
—Garbage, again. Also, I am the queen of misheard lyrics, apparently – “all those years you never knew” it was BULLET train not BLOOD train…ha ha ha! It allllll makes sense, now. Heh.
time 11:58am feeling ANGRY wearing dress my mom bought me that passed Karmi’s muster, woo hoo! reading Marriage Plot music ANGRY playlist ready for weekend already! next lecture time
I forgot…spring is about secrets, but spring is also about ANGER. Angry feelings that have been bottled up, frozen, held in stoically to survive the winter, suddenly flood out everywhere.
Sort of like water did into our basement last night.
But that’s another story. (Don’t worry. It was hardly a thing, thanks to Jeff’s superrrr cleanup skills.)
Anyway, I am ANGRY. I woke up extremely anxious, worked out anxiously, got ready in a state of anxiety, etc., and couldn’t figure out what the anxiety was about, until I was compelled to call my mom on my way to work and suddenly it all came out: I was ANGRY. (I AM angry…but, thankfully, less so than I was before talking to mi madre.) Angry at things I cannot name and don’t get to express, because it won’t get me anywhere. But ANGRY. That anxiety was brewing for a reason.
Talking to my mom, mean as I was, was an INCREDIBLE relief. She was kind and understanding and listened SO well. I am _extremely_ grateful for this, and for her time and patience. She also encouraged me to continue on with my new motto/lifestyle of (well, OK, not actually in these words, nor this harshly, but assured me I was thinking along sane lines) F the HATERS.
Getting ANGRY and getting it out and having her listen and giving a name to my stewing, brewing feelings was pretty great. And necessary. As the busybusybusy weeks of work Events in the evenings begins.
Phew.
The HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEKEND was discovering Nikki’s 12pm 75 minute Level 2 yoga class at Corepower Edina. Jeff and I are IN LOVE with Nikki and this class and I am really excited to go again. The extra 15 minutes really gave you enough time to work on positioning, take time to warmup, and have a more peaceful savasana. Plus she was a peaceful and great instructor. YES to NIKKI!
The other HIGHLIGHTS included a bike ride w/ Jeff AND biking up to the U to swim on Sunday. AND reading OUTSIDE in 70+ degree sunny weather. OH YEAH.
But no more time for this. Now time to work….workworkwork. And listen to my ANGRY playlist, which includes but is not limited to the following:
-Hammering in my Head (AKA “Blood Train from Tokyo”), Garbage
-Temptation Waits, Garbage
-Push It, Garbage
-Followed the Waves, Auf Der Maur
-Sweet Amber, Metallica
-Frantic, Metallica
-Kill The Lights, Britney Spears
-Breed, Snake River Conspiracy
Also last night we watched the FRIENDS finale (no seriously) and I read a ton of Marriage Plot, which I am sure I will finish in no time. Totally absorbed in the world of Madeleine Hanna et al. It was all glorious.
Also this morning NPR played both Backstreet Boys (“Everybody”) and Will Smith (Gettin’ Jiggy With It) as examples of 1998 music and eschewed them both. I LOVE IT.
OK. OUT!