lxforever

“Goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tight / may it hold you through the winter of a long night / and keep you from the loneliness of yourself / … / The sun shines but I don’t / a silver rain will wash away / and you can’t tell, it’s just as well / and you can’t tell, it’s just as well / Goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day / Goodnight, always, to all that’s pure that’s in your heart”

—Smashing Pumpkins, Farewell and Goodnight

“Attempting to find happiness through fascist time management practices…”

—Michael J., last week

time too early, hello Steve Mason early-AM insomnia settling in feeling overtired and unsettled and anxious wearing pjs music Farewell and Goodnight ready for 6+ hours of sleep in a row next ???

“The crash will be spectacular.” Oh July, I was afraid of this. June was almost too good to be true and left a lot of room for post-partying depression. It’s only the second day of July, though, so I’m trying not to get too wrapped up in this idea of this being the foretold crash. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Fail.

I woke up too early and too anxious for the start to my favorite month and to one of my favorite weekends of the year. Heightened anxiety and a general sense of unease with no particular focus. UGH!!! I absolutely know that more sleep will aid this problem, since I just haven’t been getting enough for various reasons, yet here I’ve laid for almost an hour, listening to Farewell & Goodnight, trying to practice savasana, and no dice. Should’ve listened to my body and gone to bed earlier…when will I learn? Soon, I hope.

Of course it’s all light and bird-chirpy and this doesn’t help my get-back-to-sleep cause. Maybe I’ll just give up and get up and write gymn certificates for Wednesday…

Sometimes it catches up, Pop Music Princess, Prosecco Fairy, partying + all. Dislike uncertainty, no, dislike isn’t a strong enough word. ABHOR. Always the theme of this anxious life, this discomfort with uncertainty. How many times have I gone over this? And yet…

OK. Writing is already helping. So what, I didn’t get enough sleep, guess what? I can take a nap because it’s SATURDAY. And I can just get up now if I have to and go from there. And even if this is a crash, there’s no way it can be as bad as before. Mini-crash, that’s OK.

I saw Christie and Laura yesterday which was fantastic. This weekend is all about hanging out with Jeff, readying the house, cleaning windows + going to Home Depot, BBQ?, grilling, Twins game?, and bike riding. What else is it supposed to be about, anyway?

Come on brain! Let’s get back to partying. I can feel it…eh? : )

EDITED TO ADD / THREE HOURS LATER: Amazing what 2+ more hours of sleep and waking up at a normal time to beautiful sunshine can do for you. I feel so much better and it makes me want to take this whole entry down, however that is not how I roll, so, it remains. Somehow with a little writing and reading I was able to soothe myself back to sleep (also thanks to Yellow Room Motel, pieow). Soothe Yourself. Happy July. BACK AT IT! Momentary crash/lapse. Open for business (well, not the state, but….).

YAY!!!!!!! : D