August 23rd, 2009
"…And
“…could have turned left / could have turned right / but I ended up here / and I feel all right”
Natalie Imbruglia
It’s ended up being a weird, but good, summer. Not that summer is over, and that’s another good thing about work vs. school—summer ends, well, when the warm weather dissipates. (Hopefully, based on how cool of a summer it’s been [sans the heated-up days we had in June], September will be a little warmer. I can hear my cool-weather loving friends wincing; sorry guys. I just need a little heat! Although I suppose by then all the pools will be closed, anyway.)
Michael wrote that he had thought we might have to bury Grandpa sometime this year, but I hadn’t expected it at all. I guess I’m naive; no, I know I am. The difference is in how I show it. That started the summer off in the strangest way: yes, the sorrow and loss of someone like LeRoy leaving the earth; but also, the very raw feelings of learning how to care for someone through to their very true end, the awe in seeing how one life has made such an impact, the wonder seeing how this Mason family comes together. Even at the time, I knew it would be a lesson more important than most anything else I’d learn.
Something shifted in me this year, too; while it happened over the course of the year, due to people and events and uncertainty in my life, it came to a head this summer, with two points looming larger: the death of LeRoy the Great and the fact that I became a godmother to dear Mason James. I’m hesitant to write about it, because I’m afraid doing so will spoil it. Suffice it to say, something and someones (and not just of the Mason variety) have drawn me back into a faith-ish life, albeit tentatively and possibly temporarily. We’ll see. But I do know that seeing my family and where it is I’ve come from; and holding Mason that baptism weekend; these things have made an impact, and I have some kind of a responsibility I didn’t own up to before.
I had an awesome weekend, the kind I’ve been meaning to have. Life without freelance-musts and at-work stress (did I mention I have a new job? I think I did) is good. Though I still wonder what other impacts I could make in life, in other arenas. I can only hope I will work it out and that something will come to me, one way or another. In the meantime, I have this most amazing husband and house and life in a city I love, with friends and family all across the country; what more could I really ask for?
But the weekend. Cooking, brunch, biking to the beach and sitting in the sun and swimming in the lake, tennis with Gooch and Googs and not being too bad at it, writing and gardening and just relaxing. It’s weird but it’s been a crucial lesson for me this year: stop trying “To-Do” it all. Start trying to just chill out. It’s part of not writing, but I intend to work on that, whether it’s here or elsewhere. All part of the process, somehow.
Now for Mad Men and strawberries. This is the stuff. Good night!