May 15th, 2009
Hitting Home
“I was a quick wet boy / diving too deep for coins / all of your street light eyes / wide on my plastic toys / then when the cops closed the fair / I cut my long baby hair / stole me a dog-eared map / and called for you everywhere // Have I found you? / Flightless bird / jealous / weeping / or lost you? / American mouth / big pill / looming…”
—Iron & Wine
time 8:34 pm feeling wistful wearing Gold-hearted and banned Gopher VS sweats ready for the upswing next shows?
So. Weirdly, I’m actually feeling better this week than I have literally in months, so it’s funny that I should be writing this now, but so much has gone on this week in the ‘greater arena’, as I like to say. Jeff and I are sitting in the living room listening to the last episode of KFAN’s Sludge and Lake show—not a show I’ve ever really listened to, but when Jeff had it on two days ago, we realized that the show was ending—that the last show was Friday, tonight. This show is one of Jeff’s favorites and a local sports radio staple; apparently it’s quite popular. But not popular enough. For why is it being canceled? The economy—more specifically, the recession.
Ugh. I really thought we’d hit bottom in April; it seemed like we might be at the bottom of the “U” shaped recovery everyone keeps referring to, and I (along with everyone else, I’m sure) was SO ready for that, to hit that rock bottom spot. Because, however long the recovery takes, the sooner we hit it, the sooner we climb back up, and the sooner things stop disappearing, people stop losing their jobs, traffic fills up again, and shows stop getting canceled. But this, among other not-so-cool things that have gone on this week (at which I am not liberty to talk about really) makes it feel less likely that the fall is over. Gah.
“Now I’m a fat house cat / nursing my sore blunt tongue / watching the warm poison rats / curl through the wide fence cracks / pissing on magazine photos / those fishing lures / thrown in the cold and clean blood of Christ mountain stream // Have I found you? / flightless bird / grounded / bleeding / or lost you? / American mouth / big pill stuck going down”
So obviously all of this will end, and I know I’m being overly dramatic, as I’m prone to do, but in the meantime it just SUCKS. It sucks to see your friends lose their jobs, to see the dissolution of newspapers and radio hastening due to the freefall, to know that so many people are spending their days in as much doubt and despondency as their colleagues—but not really able to talk about it for fear of feedback. It’s just too much.
But then! It’s spring, and sunny, and warm and things are growing. I met with a student this morning who is just full of excitement and enthusiasm and love for what she does, and it reminds me that there’s a reason I’m here, regardless of the uncertainty that surrounds it. Our yard is filled with tiny little grass blades that are growing like mad and with which Jeff is so thrilled. We got to see Laura the little baby and her lovely parents Christie and Mike yesterday and just eat pizza, rock the baby, watch our favorite funny shows, and laugh together. And a week from today, I’ll be with my new nephew and my adorable niece and Stephie and Mike. There’s so much to look forward to.
And so many other good things, too. To get it over with, though, some unfortunate news: my Grandpa suffered another heart attack last weekend and has been in the hospital since. He was not well at the graduation, and they finally decided he should get it checked out. So glad they did, because how scary is that. It’s very sobering, and hard to take, because everyone knows that LeRoy is literally The King, this amazing patriarch that I can never thank enough for being who he is; but the good news is that he is on the upswing and there is hope that he can move past this. We hope and pray.
Back to the good. Last weekend I was in LaCrosse for my cousin Lisa’s graduation from nursing school. She is set to be a full-time nurse at UW Hospital in July and we couldn’t be more proud of her. Somehow it means more when everything doesn’t come so easily. It was a wonderful weekend, and so terrific to see everyone together and happy; Lisa’s one of the first babies I remember seeing (with Jenny, I was too tiny!), and I’ve always thought she was pretty cool. After the Mass, and ceremony, and dinner, and drinks (Smirnoff with the Barbs!), my mom and I stayed on to spend some quality time together in LaCrosse. It was absolutely perfect and much, much needed. We enjoyed each others’ company, she was so patient and kind in listening to me, and walked around beautiful LaCrosse and enjoyed a fantastic brunch together the next day. I was very sad to leave but very, very grateful for such a focused, peaceful time with her. Thank you, Mom!
So. Five years ago on Tuesday we were graduating from UMN, a most amazing evening to be sure. Nine years ago on Monday I wrote this, a basically ridiculous but still affecting spew of highschool nostalgia. It’s that time of year where things start to stir, and changes come, and, if you’re one of those sparkly graduates like Lisa, your life might truly start anew. I think I’ve underappreciated May for years; it’s time to start seeing it for what it is and being glad. Congratulations.